I was 9 Years Old When I First Thought About Suicide

4 minutes

A freakish accident when I was just 2 years old owing to a mistake by the doctor who gave me a wrong injection led to complete deafness in my right ear and low hearing in my left ear. My life changed completely after that.

Soon after that incident, I joined a school, but having seen me not properly responding to her instructions; my teacher flagged it to my parents, who took me to an ENT specialist. That’s when I was first diagnosed with hearing impairment. A year or so later is when we shifted to a different city but to my parent’s utter shock, I didn’t get an admission to a primary school – the school authorities were reluctant to give me admission due to my disability.  But after much persuasion, they agreed. To my parents, it was a relief, but to me, it was the beginning of a nightmare.

I had to endure every torture; from being thrown stones at, all the way to their laugh at my hearing disability. I remember I was often thrown out of the swing and would come home bleeding. Teachers too bullied me.  I would cry almost everyday.

I was 4 years old but would not share about my bullying with my parents as I didn’t want to burden them.

After my primary education, my parents tried for another school but along came another rejection. And again, my parents had to plead all over again to get me admitted. I was just 9 years old and was already thinking about committing suicide.

I remember it was my first day at the new school and I was shaking and trembling with fear, wondering what my new schoolmates will think of me. Will I be ostracized? Will I be accepted? Will I  be bullied again?  Will I be given a chance to prove myself?

But to my pleasant surprise, everyone accepted me as a normal person. During this time I was lagging behind academically since I couldn’t understand the alphabets. My mother, my knight in shining armour, took it on herself and started teaching me a word, everyday. I slowly began to learn and even perform better than some of my classmates. That was the time when I was also introduced to dancing, and I instantly fell in love with it.

But by the time I reached 6th std, my hearing became even worse. And I began lagging behind again. People began ridiculing me again. Many avoided my company. Dancing became by escape. Since I couldn’t hear a sound, I had to rely solely on vibrations on the floor.

When I reached my 11th standard things began going further south. I couldn’t converse as I couldn’t understand what people said. I became indrawn. Many misunderstood my silence as an attitude. They began bitching about me. They posted stuff online and every time I read about it, I felt as if a part of me died. I succumbed to depression. I couldn’t muster the courage to go to school and face my classmates.

After school, when I applied for college, I was again denied admission owing to my disability. That was the time my spirits broke completely.

I got hold of some poison, and when I was just second away from consuming it, pictures of my parents and their struggle flashed before me. I remembered how they have encouraged me since childhood, how they have stood by me. I stopped and found the courage to live my life again.

I am better now. I have learned to overcome depression.

I no longer feel animosity or hatred against anyone. I have learned to overcome it. These incidents have made me a stronger person and I am thankful to everyone who have been part of my life  my journey.

Story Source: The Logical Indian.

It just takes a thought to find that inspiration within you to fight all the struggles. It could be a person, a thing, an incident or a thought that could help you overcome depression. Take guidance from experts online when you feel the need.

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