A person will be just about as happy as they make up their minds to be. -Abraham Lincoln
It is not easy to go through the feeling of being alone and having suicidal tendencies. Adrita, who is 19 years old, shares her story about how she could deviate from the path of depression and suicidal tendencies.
Adrita lived away from her parents during her 12 class, and she also found it difficult to do well in her studies. Towards the end of her 12th STD, she was confused about what she wanted to do and what career path she wanted to take. Her parents were adamant that she get into Engineering, but she wanted to take up arts. She didn’t want to disappoint her parents, so she started applying for entrance exams and good colleges. But she could not perform well, and she found it hard to get into an engineering college. Eventually, she was able to join a college for B.Tech Computer science.
“After I got into college, I decided I have to study well and work hard so that I can make up for the failures of my 12th grade.”
When she joined the college, she decided to do her best in her classes and focus better and perform better. But unfortunately, she was facing some issues, and she could not complete well in her first semester. Her sleep and appetite pattern completely changed, and she could not get back into her routine. “My cycle was all over the place.”. Now, this led to attendance issues, and it went to the extent where she was debarred from some classes. Above all this, Adrita had anger issues as well. She would suddenly get angry at people.
“I was emotionally tired as in I would just start crying without any reason.”
She started feeling low, and her self-esteem started going down. It is not easy to handle okay when you feel like crying without any reason. It is hard to control our emotions, and at times you will just want to let your feelings out through various other ways. When Adrita found that her marks were low for one of her subjects compared to others, she broke down completely, and her warden suggested that she seek help from a therapist in college. That is how she reached out to YourDOST counselor Alisha. She was diagnosed with severe depression, and she was asked to take medication. As she was asked to take the medication, she informed her parents that she is seeking counseling. But the tables turned for her. Her parents were not okay with her counseling, so her relationship with her mother became a little toxic.
“I grabbed her hand and pushed her out of my room.”
Adrita had constant arguments with her mother, and one day when her mother was in her room arguing about something, she felt extremely angry, and she asked her mother to leave the room. But when her mother refused to leave, she grabbed her by her hand and pushed her out of her room, and her nails scratched her mother’s hand. She felt bad about her action later, and she also started having suicidal thoughts as she thought she was a burden to her parents as they have to spend so much for her and yet she is not doing well in college. Adrita decided to get proper counseling without involving medication, and so she continued her sessions with Alisha.
“My counselor helped me realize what I am going through.”
With the help of her counselor, she was able to realize a lot of things about herself. She realized that she tends to look for validation from people often. She also has social anxiety, so Alisha asked her to do the shame attacking exercise where she was asked to write a poem with at least three spelling mistakes, and she was asked to post on her class group. Initially, Adrita found it difficult, but after a few days, she built her courage to publish the poem in the group. Her classmates just laughed and asked if she was high and aware that she posted in the group. After posting, she felt good that she did that, and also, she started realizing how it doesn’t matter what other people think about you.
Therapy is always a slow process, and Adrita knew that. Though she could not see major changes in her behaviour, she was aware of her major issue and what is causing her to feel in a particular way. She also realised that the things she over-thinks are not that significant all the time and that most things don’t matter how much ever thought is given into it. She started appreciating her surroundings, and she was able to be more positive about her surroundings. She stopped being negative around people and started becoming more considerate about the people around her.
“If they feel like they need a personal improvement, they don’t have to wait for anyone’s validation or what people are going to think; it is all up to you. You are living in your mind.”
Adrita wants people to know that it is okay to seek help, even a small problem. No one should feel bad about what others around them think or feel about them reaching out for help.
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