“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them … but still move on without them.” — Mandy Hale
Breakups can be tricky. As much as the butterflies in the belly make us feel ecstatic, when reality doesn’t go well with our idea, it becomes too complex for us to accept it. Twenty-two years old, Vinay Detain was in a similar situation where he found himself struggling to move out of the emotion negatively influenced by his breakup. Studying BSc Computer Science at IIT Jodhpur, Vinay was in a relationship with his school best friend. When in school, Vinay had confessed his feelings to his best friend during the 12th STD. His best friend wasn’t ready for the relationship back then but had eventually reciprocated his proposal when they had both shifted to college. Although they had decided to commit to each other, their relationship mainly moved forward on shaky grounds, eventually leading to a breakup call from her end.
The decision to break up wholly shattered Vinay, as he started having self-esteem issues and even began feeling jealous of the people she spoke to. He found it hard to bring himself back up on his feet and move on, no matter how much he tried. Not just that, he also couldn’t focus on his day-to-day activities and seldom found it hard to get up from his bed. All these thoughts and emotions running within him made him feel extremely tired by the end of the day.
“I wanted to talk out everything in my mind.”
The constant declining energy and exhaustion made Vinay feel like he was drowning and would do anything to come out of it. The reason why he decided to seek professional help and reached out to YourDOST.
Vinay was curious to understand and get a different perspective on his issues. On meeting Afra from YourDOST, Vinay tried to gain the same. His counselor Afra asked him to question himself and his behavior based on what he felt to understand his thoughts better. Recognizing the idea and what made him feel a certain way helped Vinay identify what was going wrong. To help him better understand his thought pattern, Afra also asked Vinay to journal his thoughts and take everything step-by-step. Afra made Vinay realize that rushing into finding solutions would not solve anything and taught him a few breathing exercises to calm him better.
“I started understanding myself better.”
The journaling practice helped Vinay initially understand his thought patterns, address his negative thoughts and act better. It enabled him to categorize his mind so well that soon; he could achieve the same without journalling. To reduce his stress and feel lighter, Vinay also started meditation and yoga 4 to 5 times a week.
“Talking to my counselor helped me a lot and made me feel better.”
Vinay is grateful to his counselor for helping him and believing in him. She was very understanding and listened to him patiently when he was disturbed.
“Taking Counseling doesn’t mean you are a psycho or sick. It is similar to asking for help from a friend or a wise person who genuinely helps you.”
While Vinay subtly mentions the misuse of psycho or sick as terms to correlate with mental wellbeing, we at YourDOST can’t thank him enough for calling out the practice that’s derogatory and wrong in every sense.
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