“To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it”
“Love is the best thing we do” – Indeed, it brings out the best in ourselves and gives us a new outlook on life. It is a two-way street where both the partners share a bond of love, laughter, and happiness. But what if the love suddenly stops flowing? Can you imagine a life without that one person without whom life stops making sense?
Ending a relationship is tough, and it is even tougher on someone who is so well invested in the relationship. A breakup can lead to intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and self-doubt. It is a fragile state to be in, and 28-year-old Program Manager Deepak was on this boat. After being broken up by his ex-girlfriend, he faced a downhill of emotions for a long time.
“I was going through problems with a relationship. She broke up with me, and I did not want to let her go. I did not know what to do with my emotions, and I was feeling shallow.”
The feeling of getting dumped was eating Deepak alive, and what troubled him more was the lack of closure. Deepak, an introvert, did not know what to do and found himself in a state of dilemma. Not only did this affect his personal life, but his professional life as well. Remembrance of his ex-girlfriend started making Deepak extremely depressed. Deepak often found himself crying all the time, feeling helpless and lost.
“I saw a future with her, and after this happened, I did not know how to go on with my life. Then came the point when I realised I must do something to let these feelings not cooped up inside of me.”
Deepak was in a chaotic state of mind, and he needed someone to help him. Fortunately, through his organisational resources, he was introduced to YourDOST, and so he decided to take help.
Deepak was aware of the counselling process beforehand, and so he knew this would be a slow process, where he will have to proactively and willingly discuss his issues. He roughly took about fifteen counselling sessions throughout his healing process. Deepak got connected with YourDOST counsellor, Ms. Malavika Prakki, an expert on matters concerning relationships.
“Malavika was very empathetic towards me. I used to cry so much in earlier sessions, and she did not even stop me.”
Malavika asked Deepak all the right questions and was extremely patient with him. Often, Malavika would extend session hours to let Deepak feel homely and comfortable. Even though this was cathartic, this helped him and made him open up sooner. She even helped him with some techniques that he could use to improve his emotional wellbeing at the time.
“I took a few days off from work because I was very emotional. But Malavika always encouraged me that it was okay to cry and be emotional. There is nothing to be scared about. Just because I am a man does not mean that I can not be sensitive during a breakup.”
Knowing Deepak’s history, Malavika tried helping him by suggesting he get closure to feel better. The uncertainty factor was a big deal for Deepak, and now he was ready to face the truth. As a part of the process, Malavika asked Deepak to write down the feelings and try to convey them whenever he can, in hopes of receiving closure.
Deepak could not act on it at first, as he was constantly reminded of her, but as time went by, he felt the weight lifted off his chest. Distraction methods suggested by Malavika helped Deepak get over his ex-girlfriend faster. After three-four months, Deepak finally got some closure from his ex-girlfriend.
“I was even more shattered now that I knew I would not be with her, but I was finally free from something that had been holding me down for so long.”
After getting the closure, Deepak had to continue his sessions for some time. But this time, Deepak was stronger than before and was able to see the bright side of the incident.
“It took many weeks for me to reach this stage. I would write letters every day for over two months expressing my feelings. But once I reached the point where the letters reduced and eventually stopped. I realised that life moves on, and I should go with the flow.”
Deepak is grateful for his sessions with Malavika and is glad that she was patient with him and made him feel like his problems were valid. Deepak still practices positive self-talk and affirmations taught by Malavika. Sure, Deepak is a human being and often gets sad remembering the past but is also an optimistic individual who knows how to see the brighter side of life.
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