Personal | Self Improvement |

Ya, This Is What I Was Going Through!

5 minutes
 
source: ramprasad.com

Malathi is a good friend of mine, we grew up together. She was a perfect friend to rely upon, who was always there to care for me, advice me and even give me reminders. She was always like the mumma of our relationship, the supporting and caring one, inturn just expecting me to keep in contact with her.

During the industrial visit in her final semester, she landed up in a major trouble. Her friend’s boyfriend – an outsider, had come over without permission, creating a big issue for the management as well as between friends. Malathi was supporting her friend assuming that she was innocent, which wasn’t the case. Since then Malathi, was accused by others, leaving her in anxiety and isolation.
 
Malathi who would never share her problems with me, for once told me that she felt lonely and nobody understood what she is going through then. She desperately tried to convince her family that she wasn’t involved in that problem. Her parents did support her but however she started to become even more complacent in the family since then, even to the unreasonable demands.
 
The same was to follow in college. All her best friends were criticizing her. She had no option but being obliged and listening to them. The only place that she would vent and tell that “I can’t take it anymore!” was with me. Being a good friend of mine I dint want to take on the psychologist’s hat, but I tried to help her reflect and realize that – she was inflicting helplessness deliberately onto herself. For few days over the phone I tried talking to her. She would try to revive herself and then again fall in her own helplessness.
 
As days passed texts on whatsapp made me realize that she has become further dull, with no liveliness or cheer, which is so untrue of her. It was high time that I made her realize, that she has been suppressing herself and letting people around her take advantage of the situation and make her feel helpless. For a moment I decided to step into my shoes of a psychologist to give her a taste of her situation.
 
In one of our conversations about a new venture of mine, she dint agree to it. I felt that it was the right moment to shake her out of world of fear and assumptions. I exaggerated that I was offended with her disagreement. I told her that ‘she never cared for me, my feelings doesn’t matter a bit to her, etc… She quickly started apologizing to me, which was unusual in our years of friendship. I exaggerated and made her feel even worse and abruptly ended the conversation saying “I am Hurt and don’t want to talk to her anymore.” 
 
There were few more beeps on whatsapp which I deliberately ignored. Only After 10 minutes I called to confront her.
 
 
I asked her: “What do you think, was happening between us on whatsapp?
Her reply:  ” I never thought you would be upset, but I dont know, what just went wrong?”
 
Me: “Since childhood till now, have you ever apologized to me and been so vulnerable?”
She: “No!”
 
Me: “Do you think that I would get offended that easily to what you say?’
She :”NO!”
 
Finally me : “Don’t you think this is what is currently happening in your life?….  I just wanted you to realize that, this is how you have been letting people to affect you and take advantage of you making you feel helpless.”
Her: “Yes! I knew that there is something wrong, but now I can feel that this is how it has been in past few days.”
 
source:quotefancy.com

Realization is a good start to change, Malathi did get back to her cheerful and optimistic self in few weeks. Most of us do get into such stuck point. We can come out of it with a little introspection – this is what is called as listening to yourself. Also, with help of people around us and their experiences. (Name changed to retain the anonymity of the individual)



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About the Author

A. Sabu John is your special friend from Your D.O.S.T. He is currently pursuing his MPhil in Psychology from Christ University. With teaching and facilitation as his passion, he has experience working with different population as a psychotherapist and also facilitating modules on Sexuality and Addiction.

Sabu

A. Sabu John is your special friend from YourDOST. He is currently pursuing his MPhil in Psychology from Christ University. With teaching and facilitation as his passion, he has experience working with different population as a psychotherapist and also facilitating modules on Sexuality and Addiction.

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