When do you know it is the right time to let go? For how long will you continue holding on to something, knowing it will bring you nothing but tears?
Aditi one of my closest friends in college answered these questions for me. She is a cheerful person, someone who loves excitement in her life. A person who is extremely strong and confident. At least that is what she always projected, until I found her crying bitterly in the college washroom one day. “He called me a sl*t,wh*re and shouted at me in the middle of the road yesterday. Have you ever seen me even talk to another boy in the college?” She couldn’t even breathe properly as she gasped between words. I hugged her and told her it wasn’t true. But deep down I knew that my friend didn’t deserve this,yet she put up with this when she could have ended it ages ago. Love is Blind is definitely apt in this context. Aarav was Aditi’s first love. She was blindly in love with him and was ready to do absolutely anything to keep him happy. She had a low self esteem and her boyfriend provided her confidence and security in her life. She was possessive about him and always had this fear of losing him.
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| Source: www.voicedialogueonline.com |
Aarav took advantage of her vulnerability. She was emotionally blackmailed to satisfying his physical needs. “I bowed down to his every desire, as he used to taunt and criticize me if I didn’t” were the exact words she told me. I always knew that she was strong but she had one weakness, her boyfriend Aarav. They were dating since the past 3 years. No amount of advice and counseling from friends and family could persuade her to leave Aarav. She hung on to the relationship like a person holding on to his diseased organ in fear of an operation.
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| Source: www.wikihow.com |
“I found him using another phone to text and flirt with his female peers in college. He never told me about it, yet I forgave him. Whenever we fought, he would pacify me with promises and expensive gifts. I accepted both the promises and gifts to save our relationship. If I ever asked him about his whereabouts, he would swear at me and make me feel inferior.” At this moment, I smiled, recollecting the moment when Aarav logged into Aditi’s Facebook account and hurled abuses at me through messenger. He did this, as he felt I was taking her away from him. I knew my friend wasn’t as strong as me to let go off her problem. Yet every time she made an effort to leave him, her very low self-confidence would pull her back towards him. She couldn’t imagine a life without him.
Aditi was clearly a victim of mental abuse in her relationship. But she was so blinded by love, that she didn’t even realize he was mentally torturing her. Every individual should first and foremost love oneself and set limits for others. Once, such a limit is crossed, you know clearly that it is time to let go, be it relationship or even friendship. The sooner you begin to value and love yourself, the sooner you realize when there is a wrong doing happening in your life.
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| Source: www.wildlyfreewomen.net |
Aditi started believing in the fact, that the person she once loved was a stranger to her. You don’t stalk or talk about strangers. They are random people in your life, who are unknown to you. Aditi used this very mantra and is healing at her own pace. Yes, it is definitely not easy to let go a relationship, which gave you happiness in the initial stages. But it is better to take courage and move on in life, rather than stick to it and suffer.
A tip to all those who feel they are in an abusive relationship:
Learn to love yourself and know what you are worthy of. Surround yourself with friends and family. They will fill that temporary void in your heart with their affection. If it helps, use your imagination and creativity to carve a new life for yourself. Where you don’t remember the time you dated him. More like BD-Before dating and AD-After Dating. Start enjoying and celebrating the future that lies ahead of you. For the very fact that you know what you are worth. Never let yourself be immune to any kind of abuse. It is always wise to set limits and take actions immediately before it leaves scars that take ages to wear off. Learn to Let Go, not because you love him any less, but because you have started respecting yourself more.
