A clear rejection is better than a fake promise. – Leonardo DiCaprio.
Having a feminist standpoint and a communal outlook on life, this is the story of 27-year-old Snigdha (name changed) Joseph. Snigdha is a PhD student at one of the IITs, where she is pursuing her doctorate in Mathematics subject. As a leftist, Snigdha has a clear motto in her life; “Do what makes you happy! Forget about others’ perception about you!” – Surely, Snigdha lived her life following the same; but she encountered something that changed the trajectory of her life.
“I had a very close friend for whom I started developing feelings. But things were not that simple.”
Snigdha’s feelings for her friend took a toll on her mental health because he was already committed to another girl. Although he confessed about having feelings for Snigdha, he would never choose her over his girlfriend. Snigdha, on the other hand, had poured her heart out to that person and started falling into an endless loop of hope.
“I started reflecting symptoms of depression as I passed the endless phases of rejection by him.”
The episodes that followed were repeated on a constant on and off basis. Snigdha’s tough times grew more intense as she was involved with him physically. Intimacy opened her tendency to vulnerability even further. Snigdha was in such a state that she needed someplace to vent out as he was the only person with whom she opened up.
“I had grown prone to panic attacks as well as anxiety. As days passed, it had intensified.”
Rejection had taken over her lifestyle to such a level that Snigdha was unable to concentrate on her studies for more than 5 mins at a time. But the hope that someday she will be chosen by him remained deep inside her. But as time passed, he broke up with his former girlfriend and this finally raised a hope inside Snigdha’s heart that everything will fall into place.
“He didn’t choose me even after they broke up. I wasn’t able to accept the fact that he will never love me back the same way I do.”
Snigdha’s world had fallen apart. This was when she decided that she needed help. Snigdha, who was constantly having a feeling that something was wrong with her, just wanted to vent out her buried emotions. To vent out, she found YourDOST where she got in touch with Anagha. Her counselor, Anagha, took her through various techniques step-by-step. Anagha suggested that she write down all her thoughts in two columns, one with negative and positive thoughts and the other with fact-checking. Snigdha was advised to let go of the thoughts that didn’t align with fact-checking and could be only assumptions. Other than that, Snigdha was also shown methods to beat her anxiety via the 5-4-3-2-1 method, deep breathing as well as muscle relaxation techniques.
“I used to feel positive and really relaxed after each therapy session. This feeling of empowered ness rose hope towards my life.”
Snigdha gradually got rid of her overthinking with an increase in analysing capability. She also was improving upon her concentration. This is a process that takes time, so Snigdha has been patient about the same as she still continues her journey to betterment.
Snigdha extends her warm regards to Anagha for not being judgemental to her case as that was the most important factor for her. She is really thankful to her counselor and sums up her improvement through counseling with a solid 4 out of 5.
Rejection definitely created an ocean of disaster for Snigdha but what matters is her will to not give up upon herself.
We at YourDOST appreciate her bravery and patience and believe that she will get even better.
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