“Being perfect doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Gerad Way
28-year-old Angad Raj is a person with an emotional soul and a brave heart. Growing up in a nuclear family, Angad had his interests spread across various hobbies. He enjoyed pottery and painting as well as cooking. He describes himself as a person who quickly grabs anything new and goes ahead on excelling at it. Sure enough, he can excel anything he puts his mind to!
“By the age of 9, I was able to do anything. Anything I set my eyes on, I was able to do in one go. I was cooking by that age as well!”
Although he’d been a person who pursues perfectionism, he traces the origin of it back to his childhood. Angad’s mother had inculcated the quest to be a perfectionist in him. Belonging from a nuclear family with Angad being the eldest, he felt constantly pressurized by the idea of having to perform well. Angad was pursuing B.Com. in Nagpur, until he discontinued it to pursue cooking as a profession. He has always been privileged with the freedom to do anything he wants providing his actions don’t break societal norms.
But as his life shone, he was also occupied with disguised darkness within him. Angad’s mother was an ambitious and disciplined woman so much so that she earned more than his father in the family. When the pressure grew on him to do the same, Angad started feeling uncomfortable He was expected to be a perfectionist from a very early age.
“It was either her way or no way. I was always expected to perform well in class and in events. Any small failure was not even considered as an option.”
Angad, who had a lot of certifications in various activities throughout his academic life was now entering a phase of introspection. He realised that all he had done throughout his life is to prove to his mother that he is after all the perfectionist she wanted him to be. By the time Angad reached his 8th standard, he had started to feel suffocated inside his own house. Angad soon developed a sense of rebelliousness and this led him to burn down all his certifications which were just the starting.
“I had started to feel really off-beat and my changing behaviour bothered me a lot. When I told my mother the same thing, she only said that everything would be fine which didn’t solve my problem at that moment.”
Angad’s excelling attitude was overshadowed by abusive nature as well as turbulence. He felt harsh most of the time and he would bunk classes and roam around the city. Soon, Angad found himself losing his friends and he started travelling alone.
“I literally spent all my energy trying to make myself better and soon I had started to explode. I started looking for comfort and love from other people because I couldn’t find love in my family.”
Angad realized that he had started to reflect a controlling behavior within him. By then, he was in a relationship with a girl. His ideologies being centered around equality, Angad believed that if a woman can hit a man, the other way round should be valid too. So, soon he found himself abusing his girlfriend. Angad wasn’t proud of that action but he had no control over it. He felt discomfort to the core and that’s when he realised that he wanted to move out of that girl’s life. He is grateful now to every woman for being there for him and understanding him even at his worst. He always wanted them to be happy and wished them luck for their future.
“I was starting to feel like I was not capable of love. It became very difficult to even love myself.”
As Angad broke up with his girlfriend, in no time, he had started drug abuse. He used to think that it was an alternative to sustain rather than staying with an emotionally unstable mind. Angad’s health was just one thing out of many other aspects of his life that got adversely affected. He always wanted things to be done in a pattern or certain way. He would get restless or anxious if things didn’t go the way he planned it.
“He was soon sleeping around with many girls without any knowledge of their identity.”
Angad was emotionally broken but at the same time, he knew somewhere that he had to take care of himself. That is when Angad decided to take a step towards the much-needed healing.
YouDOST entered his life through his then-company, WhiteHat Jr, a popular name in the Ed-Tech industry. His counselor Ruchika, was a patient woman who tried to understand Angad’s inner conflicts from the core. As Angad ended up cheating on his former partner multiple times just like she did to him, he was unable to understand his behavioural traits regarding that. He was standing completely opposite to the aspired version of being a perfectionist and lost himself in the middle of the path. Ruchika on the other hand understood his situation deeply and said- “Angad needs only Angad right now.”
Soon, Angad was suggested to perform certain exercises by Ruchika. His first assignment was to note down points on why he didn’t want to be with his former girlfriend. And what is important is to even understand what his girlfriend was going through at the same time. He also was told to not take responsibility for his girlfriend’s choices and actions. And she as an individual is capable of taking care of her decisions and you are not responsible for whatever happens in your girlfriend’s life. After having a few sessions with Ruchika, Angad had reached a new momentum in life. He would meditate and play music. He had regained his hands-on pottery and cooking. What mattered the most was his regained stability of mind.
Angad thanks his counselor Ruchika for listening to him every time. He appreciated her constant presence anytime he needed it. He defines Ruchika as a brilliant listener.
“Ruchika helped me get closure on the facet of my previous relationship. I felt no remorse at that point. I was at peace, after a long, long time.”
Angad swam his life from being a perfectionist to someone who learned to let loose. Today. He acknowledges his journey with pride. Surely, he endowed a great example to so many individuals who can relate to his struggles. We, at YourDOST, are mesmerized by his bravery and guts to be so transparent and honest. Angad had set a milestone to the belief that anything is achievable only if you are willing to make it happen.
Angad rates his counseling journey with a straight 4 out of 5. YourDOST sincerely appreciates this and wishes him all the best for his future endeavors.
Angad’s Warrior Tips:
1. If you have a small cut on your body, you take medicine. Similarly, mental health needs mending although the scars aren’t visible.
2. Therapy helps because you aren’t judged in that space and it’s all about your own story.
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