An Extrovert’s Guide to Dating an Introvert (and Vice Versa)

5 minutes

Love is a universal emotion and is experienced by people at both ends of the personality continuum. Here is an outlook at how introverts and extroverts generally are in love relationships as per their personality traits and preferences.

Introverts in Relationships

1. Slow it down: Introverts don’t like to rush into anything. They like to unfold things slow and take the time to reflect on everything and every phase of a relationship.

2. Couple time: Introvert partner would want to spend considerable time with you. All alone! They find one-to-one connections deeper and more authentic and hold such time in very high value.

couple time

3. Comfort is in small social circles: Introverts prefer being in smaller groups of people they find comfortable being around. If you are an extrovert, your introvert partner would come for a party with you for your happiness, but don’t expect them to talk to all and be all merry. They might enjoy it in their own way.

Note: Post-party or any other big social gatherings, introverts might need some private time to process the overwhelming experience of such broad social experience. The scientific basis for this is that too much of dopamine rush in the brain can be disturbing and a source of uneasiness for an introvert.

4. Philosophical discussions are most welcome: Conversations don’t have to be only about dates, the day’s activities, or about physical intimacy. Introverts would welcome talks about abstract and bigger aspects of life. Dreams, goals, life changing moments, etc. They would love to share and listen to their partner’s perspective. Higher perspectives can help build a better connection.

Philosophical discussions are always welcome
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5. They are totally fun*: If you make them feel comfortable, they are a lot of fun to be around. Even in terms of intimacy. Introverts can be extremely romantic, and highly extrovert-ish in terms of intimacy. Most of them have a good sense of humour. All these perks are available only if they find your company cosy and comfortable. So, Yes, *CONDITIONS totally APPLY!

6. Modes of Expression: Introverts might not propose to you in the middle of a big mall with thousands of people around staring at you two! However, you will be presented with beautiful, special and grand gestures of love (depending on what the particular individual values more) which might be expressed in a more personal space between you two as a couple.

7. During stressful times: An introvert would want to take some time out, all by themselves, find a comfortable space for introspection and to think on the issue at hand and reflect on it.

Extroverts in Relationships:

1. Pacing it up: An extrovert can be expected to share a lot about themselves, curiosity to know their partner’s thoughts and be in a high energy mode most of the times. Some of them might hear you out, but don’t listen to you. So, you might want sometimes want to check if they remember what you talked about.

2. Couple Time: Since extroverts find their happiness and enjoyment mostly in social settings, you might meet your extrovert partner mostly in a group meet or party or gathering. Alone time might not be present in abundance.

3. Love for people: Extroverts are gregarious by nature and would usually be interested in social events, parties, all chances of meeting new people and being the life of the events. So, you as a couple might mostly be a part of the large group. Dopamine rush excites extroverts.

Extroverts like to be social settings among people

4. Lively and Lighter conversations: The conversation would mostly not go to deeper issues which require introspection, time and innermost thoughts to unfold. The conversations can be a lot of talking from day to day life, parties, intimacy etc. More of here and now, and more concrete issues.

5. Fun Unlimited: You can expect to have total fun extravagant trips and gatherings with an extrovert partner. They would mostly be the centre of attention and would easily win people by their charisma.

extroverts love fun outings

6. Modes of expression: Extroverts don’t face much inhibition expressing their thoughts and feelings, and are outspoken people. You can expect big public announcements, grandiose proposals, all in limelight expressions of feelings from an extrovert partner.

7. During stressful times: An extrovert might go out meet more people, seek help or advice from others, discuss. Some might even be in the habit of escaping the issue at hand by engaging in partying, a lot of socialising.

A common perception is that Introverts and Extroverts would complement each other in a relationship, however, this might not be the absolute truth. Relationship experiences are highly subjective and depend on how partners work through their similarities and differences and embrace them. So, one can find successful and unsuccessful examples of both partners from the same end of the continuum (Introvert-Introvert; Extrovert-Extrovert) as well as opposite ends of the continuum (Introvert-Extrovert).

Are you looking for professional advice on how to better engage with your partner? Talk to an Expert at YourDOST.

Gargee Kanhere

Gargee is your special friend from YourDOST team. She is a clinical psychologist and has experience of working with various hospitals in Bangalore and Bhopal. Her areas of interest are Positive Psychology, Psychotherapy, Assessment, Mindfulness, special education, De-Addiction Counselling, Psychoanalysis, Yoga Psychology, Psycho-Oncology. An extremely compassionate person who finds happiness in helping others.