I am 32, having 1200+ friends on Facebook, 24 of whom I consider exes. Not all of them have been my boyfriends in the past but in the past 10yrs ‘boyfriends’ has been the common term that I have referred them all. While 5 of them were serious but for the rest it was casual. From one-night stands, office colleagues, makeout friends to a few whom I have never taken beyond flirting.
All these people are not just a broad term called “boyfriends” but they weigh enough memories and history to make my stomach cringe when I get a PM from them or their feeds pop up.
I remember in school, I fought with a guy when being in Chandigarh and then moved off to Delhi as things became too ugly and I never saw him again. But these days cutting ties is impossible. We love munching on information of our exes, we stalk them, judge the “new girl” whom he has a selfie with and hate them for all their hot pictures! While we dread hearing from them as we have to relive the same memories once again. Sadly, in our minds, we already know it was never going to work out but you just can’t let go of them.
You know about their views as you check Twitter for the morning news. You see their new houses when you go through Facebook at work. They just jump into your life as and when they want by sending text messages.
Online, you see your exes lives to unfold right next to yours—living, pictures of roads not taken with partners you did not keep. Even while you unfriend them, they come in touch with you through mutual friends and that’s one of the larger problems that we face.
Even while I am emotionally not attached to any of these men but have slowly accepted the fact that blocks or unfriending don’t work. While I push my past away they always keep coming back and in ways which I don’t expect. For most of them, people have moved on, become proud of what they are and I am still stuck in reverse. Largely due to social media where I make a promise to not be on it but thanks to the never ending yearning to just keep refreshing
In an ideal situation, I would love to restart my social life with newer people with no judgment, without any baggage. But this seems highly unlikely in the current scheme of things. For the fear of being left behind, not being as trendy as others and most importantly not dateable!
Still figuring out to fit in or staying out in this madness? Beat this by speaking to Experts at YourDOST and let breakups never affect you from now on!
*This was submitted anonymously to us
