Abusive Relationships – #WhyIStayed Because I was afraid he’d kill me if I left, #WhyILeft Because I was afraid he’s kill me if I stayed

3 minutes

All over the world, men and women have experienced an abusive relationship. According to the Centers for Disease Control, up to 26% of homosexual men, 29% of straight men and 39% of bisexual men and up to 48% women have experienced psychological and emotional abuse at the hands of their partners.

Abusive Relationships are those where a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviour is found. They are used to maintain power and control over another person. They are driven by a fear that gives birth to insecurity, both real and perceived. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and also include intimidation, threat and isolation.

We asked people how it is to be Living in an abusive relationship and here is what we got.

The victims are instilled with so much fear that their daily life is drastically affected. The fear brings in an insecurity of not being lovable or loved.

It feels like you’re walking on eggshells, pins and needles. You don’t know what will set the abuser off, so you’re always second-guessing yourself. Always planning for contingencies.

Source: Quora

The victim or the one who is abused is made to feel low about themselves. They tend to instill self-deprecating habits to find a fit and create a psychosocial balance.

The victims, tend to be emotional anorexic. They would starve themselves, or allowing him/herself to be starved only to feel guilty about. It leads to a state of mind that drives his/her neediness – needing, not having…having, not wanting…needing, again.

The victims would have been grown up seeing a particular family member being abused either physically or mentally. This leads to an assumption that everyone behaved this way. Abusive relationships are tricky, just as a fish doesn’t know that it’s wet, the victims don’t often see the subtle markers for abuse in a relationship.

Leslie Morgan Steiner on a TED Talk on Domestic Violence says,

“I was mistaken to feel unique and alone … I didn’t know he was abusing me. (I was) a strong woman in deep love, with a man with trouble.”

The fear induced through the abuse is so much that the victim cans foresee the dangerous they would have to face while leaving. This is why several victims choose to remain silent. Such victims are usually stereotyped for being self destructive and damaged goods.

A question is often asked “Why did you stay?” As if the victims themselves chose to be abused! They are victims who were tricked into believing that which they hadn’t even thought could happen to them. Here are some tweets by victims who have answered #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft

Abusive relationship 1


That’s how much fear they have had to go through!



Abuse need not be physical always. It can be an abuse of thoughts and emotions.



Now is the time to support by raising a voice against an abuser or for the victim. Let’s not stereotype the victims to have chosen the trauma they have gone through. Normally, nobody chooses pain, ask yourself, would you?

Let’s raise our voice against the abusive relationships. You can share your experiences , take advice or refer somebody who might need help to Experts on YourDOST.

Team YourDOST

YourDOST is an Online Emotional Wellness Coach. Through YourDOST anyone can Sign Up and anonymously seek advice and guidance from Counsellors, Psychologists, Special Friends, Mentors and other experienced individuals.