Time fails to wash away the significance of certain words and few such words written by Oscar Wilde rushed to my mind when I thought of sharing my most memorable experience. He rightly said, “Memory.. is the diary that we all carry about with us”. Here I am, sharing a chapter from my diary which is bookmarked forever. Every word written here is exactly the way things happened. No exaggeration, no deletion, no fiction.
After a long battle with cancer, fought by my mother for the second time, and was experienced by us (me and my father) vicariously, we finally came to peace. The completion of treatment which included: two surgeries followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy, all of which are very difficult phases to pull through, was this sense of relief and accomplishment for us as a family.
DAY 1: Follow-up check-ups started after three months. This was the first one in the series and brought to us the worst news of our lives. We were told that the follow-up reports indicated that the entire treatment had failed and that her lungs were taken over by the malignant tumor; and that too at an advanced stage. The doctors were equally shocked because they could not believe how the relapse could be so quick as they knew we opted for the best treatment procedures and medications available.
DAY 2: The doctors advised commencing oral chemotherapy the same day and clearly told us that she might not survive through this. Believe me, those were the most painful words I have ever heard in my life. Needless to say I am so attached to my mother as most of us would agree about the importance our mothers hold in our lives, I understood it even more being a single child. After that meeting with the doctors, I remember hearing my mother say, “We have done so much already, don’t do anything more, now that am not going to survive. I do not want to undergo any treatment again.” That was the end of the road for me because I could see a woman, whom I knew as having such a strong will power, break down right in front of my eyes.
DAY 3: The next 4 days were the most difficult. There was this silence at home, the most uncomfortable silence ever, where each one of us was in a totally different world. It was like a dream, and I badly wanted to wake up to know that all this was not real. I cried the entire day, my parents did not go to work, we just could not pull ourselves together and could not even eat anything. By evening, I knew it was as if I had hit the rock bottom and nothing more could be worse. So, I thought of ways to change this. I am a strong believer of the book, ‘the secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, for how much it helped me in the coming four days of my life and how it has made me so much more resilient. I started reading it, and I followed the principle of ‘ask, believe and receive.’ Of course, I asked for my mother’s well-being; and visualized all of us getting to know that she is well and all this is not true. Seems so absurd right? Especially, When you have been told by the best oncologists about the reports. But I had made up my mind to believe and receive completely, with all my heart and life.
DAY 4: I started my day as if nothing happened and my mother is completely fine. I went to school (I was in 10th std.), and made sure my parents agreed to go to work and trust me on this. We spent the day as normally as we used to.
DAY 5: We took my mother to the doctor and got some tests done which they suggested, in order to decide the course of treatment. Then, we went for family dinner also as it was a Saturday.
DAY 6: We spent a very normal family Sunday.
DAY 7: We received a call, probably the most important phone call in my life. My long awaited ‘wake-up call’. We were called by the doctor and told that my mother was absolutely fine and there is no abnormalities in her lungs. I still remember that sigh of relief which was followed by tears. A feeling that I never experienced before.
 |
| Art and Photo Credit: Ms. Anuvidya (Produced with the artist’s permission) |
I don’t know what helped us sail through this. But I shall be grateful always, and since that time, I have utilized and embedded the principles of this book in my life, and made them a part of my life just like my breath. The power of positive thoughts has never failed to help me. This year, my mother battled cancer again for the third time, and underwent a major surgery again, but we sailed through it again. Thanks to the positive thoughts my family radiates always, and this never fails to respond back. All I have learnt is, positive thoughts can actually change your life in so many ways. I believe when they say ‘everything is possible if you focus on it’. No matter how bad a situation seems to be, one can sail through it if one really believes.
As Lionel Hampton says, “Gratitude is when memory is stored in heart and not in mind” and am grateful to have my mother in my life and this memory embedded in my heart.
Your DOST is an emotional support system where you can anonymously share feelings that are worrying you – ‘family expectations, peer pressure, relationship issues, confusions, work pressure’ without the fear of social stigma. Signup Now and start chatting with psychologists and other trained professionals.
About the author:
Gargee is your special friend from Your D.O.S.T team. She is a clinical psychologist and has experience of working with various hospitals in Bangalore and Bhopal. Her areas of interest are Positive Psychology, Psychotherapy, Assessment, Mindfulness, special education, De-Addiction Counselling, Psychoanalysis, Yoga Psychology, Psycho-Oncology. An extremely compassionate person who finds happiness in helping others.
