Do Not Try So Hard To Fit In, When You Are Born To Stand Out

5 minutes

I still remember the day when my best friend from 8 years, “Kruti” told me we couldn’t be friends anymore. She was my closest childhood friend, someone who I could read like an open book. We shared all our secrets, had sleepovers, even introduced cute guys to each other. It came as a shock to me when she said that it was better that we don’t stay in touch as she didn’t enjoy my company anymore. It hurt me a lot. More than hurt, I was perplexed and couldn’t decipher this uncanny behavior of hers. I tried questioning her, sent her numerous messages, but she avoided me every single time.

I tried recollecting every single memory of ours, trying to figure out if I unknowingly hurt her any time. 

I received a call from her mother, a few days back. It seems she found a bottle of sleeping tablets in her room. I knew that this was my wake up call as her friend. When I met her and asked her about it, she looked at me with horror and slowly started crying. She kept telling me that there was nothing I could do to help her out. After some empathetic coaxing she slowly started revealing her problem. With tears in her eyes,she told me that she was not what she thought herself to be. “Do you know why any of my past relationships never worked?” she asked me. “It is because I never felt the spark that I should have felt. I was living in self deceit that I should do what other girls do. I guess its too late, but I realized that I don’t really like boys. Its weird to tell you, but I am attracted to the same sex species. And the reason I told you to stay away from me, as I was afraid that I might end up having feelings for you.”

I was shocked to hear this, but I was relieved that we came one step closer towards solving her problem. Every problem can be solved, once it is recognized. It is important for a person to be open minded, ready to accept a complication happening in ones life. And it is even more important to share it with someone who is close to you. 

I hugged my friend tightly and told her that it is completely okay to be different. Unfortunately gender is something that our society differentiates on based on biological aspect. It is never looked at on the basis of a mental aspect. Yes, biologically a woman should fall in love with a man. But if a woman mentally loves another woman. Is it wrong? Society considers such people to be insane or even defective. 

My friend was a victim of this society and thought suicide was the only option available to escape the ridicule and rejection she will face in the future from this very society at large.

To overcome this very mind set, I had to first convince her to love herself and believe in herself. To know that there is nothing wrong in being who you are. If you don’t love and respect your individuality, it is not possible to expect the same love and respect from others.

Once she understood my point, she gathered courage and tried to talk to her parents. Uncle and Aunt were astonished, dejected, puzzled and a large number of mixed emotions that any parent would have, when they hear such a news. There was the “you must be joking” “you are young, so you don’t understand yourself” kind of phrases. But the very thought of their daughter planning to give up all hope in life, was a reminder that it was okay to be different, yet lead a good, happy regretful life. 

My friend was very fortunate to have such loving,understanding and caring parents. They took their time but decided to accept her situation. My friend having an infatuation for me was scary, but we dealt with it like mature individuals. We talked it out, made our goals and ideologies clear, and we are still the best of friends to this date. However big or small a person’s problem is, it is very important to detect it in its early stages. Once you detect it and accept the fact that you have something bothering you at the back of your mind, the next step is to share it with someone you trust. Suicide is not the solution to anything. “Dhoondne se, Khudaa bhi mil jaatha hai” So if we search well, can definitely find an apt solution to every teeny tiny discomfort or confusion we go through.

Sanjana Shenoy

Sanjana Shenoy is a volunteer at YourDOST. She is a student at Christ University and loves to keep herself busy with art, writing and dance. She believes that every little problem can be solved by sharing with people. Through YourDOST she wants to reach and inspire people to always see the brighter side of a situation