Question: I am a 25-year-old man. I have always wished for a happy life, but things that have unfolded in the recent past have rendered me confused. I have 4 girlfriends and all of them want to marry me! In fact, to get rid of a few of them, I told them about my other girlfriends but still they are not ready to leave me. My problem is that I love all of them equally and have shared intimate relationships with all of them! How do I deal with this problem? – By Anonymous
Answer by Sushma Hebbar: It must have been really difficult for you. We all want to find a soulmate and live happily ever after, but it’s not as easy as it sounds to find the right one. The hunt of finding the right one begins at a different time for different people, it can be in early 20s for some or late 30s. You will start looking for a partner when you know that you don’t have that someone special in your life and you think its high time and a necessity.
I suggest you introspect on what is that making you look out for so many options. When you were in the first relationship, what made you to look out for someone else? Do you see any pattern in your behaviour? Is it because you thought something was missing in your relationship or you wanted something else or you experienced boredom or maybe were not able to handle the relationship?
I would also like you to revisit your the definition of love and expectation out of marriage which might give you a better clarity on what is that you are expecting from the other person.
I suggest you write down the pros and cons of your relationship with every girl, your priorities and who can match up to all these, think through all these and then take a call.
The worst thing is to sit on a fence between your options and worrying about it. You will have to make a choice one or the other day. Sleepover this and take a call. If you still find it difficult, reach out to counselors and seek help.
If you or anybody you know needs such help, you can Ask the Experts at YourDOST. We are there to help you!