A Sip of Truth – Confessions of an alcoholic

4 minutes

“A few days back I was flipping through my year book from school. It flashed in me glorious memories of friendship, love and bonding. As a class we had been together for over 5 years and beyond all the internal politics we stood undivided. Those days were filled with the real energetic me and I miss that person today.  Today I am just an alcoholic struggling to pass a day without having to resort to my addiction.

I was 16 when I first enjoyed a sip of fresh brew of beer and I so loved it. But today I know I don’t enjoy my alcohol. I rather consume it like I am meant to. It is much like a habit that I am not ready to forgo. I honestly miss those wonderful times when I enjoyed every sip of it which brought in some unseen enthusiasm.

Under the influence of alcohol
Photo by Jeff Blackler / Rex

While I had just my fare share of party alcohol till I passed my school, college had something completely different for me. I regret having to look at memories of college that are just me and a couple of drunk friends. My days and nights were caged up in my hostel room with a packet of smoke and the day`s share of alcohol. After a certain point my dad did have good idea about my habits, yet I was pretty much too out of my senses to ever listen to him. I remember the day my dad put up his courage for an intervention and all I did was pass out way before he was done speaking with me and that’s the last ever time he tried having a conversation with me.

I went on dating a girl from my college who really did care for me. But the very idea of her trying to restrict me about my alcoholic habits on could not seep well into me. I still hope for a chance to apologize to her for ditching her over this bottle that I have surrendered my soul to and regret doing so. We friends had long hours of conversation in our drunk state but I can hardly remember anything about them because the only bond that kept us together was our love for alcohol.

Somehow I managed to get myself graduated and find a decent place to work. But the environment made no difference to me because all that actually mattered to me was the time I could rush back home every evening to spend the rest of my day with my glass of whiskey. There has never been much to my life since long for I have walked past them all with this glass as my companion. Just like the taste of alcohol nothing is different in my life now. All I have left for me is this bottle and when I look back, I miss living.

Depressed man
Image credits: www.lindalochridge.com

For years when people said I was addicted to alcohol I just said it is by choice and I can always give it up when I want to. But it has been a week since I pledged myself to drop and it has not been easy on me. I haven’t given up the habit yet because it is like the only left part of my life. But when I saw the me and all that I had missed through years that day, it planted in me hope that there is a better place that I could be without this sip everyday and that drives me to change. It aches to stay away from the habit, but if that can give me the life I always wanted to live back then I will do it.” And as I see Jim walk towards me, I closed his dairy and hid that behind my table, for now he is a changed man and we are happy to be together.

Varshnee Raj

Varshnee Raj, an engineer by background, loves to invest her time in things which can improve her knowledge and share them through her writings. She has interest in craft work and painting. She also feels powerful to be able to help people during their low times through her words.