TW: Mention of Suicide
“I just can’t take this any longer. I need to move out of my house”
Sonia (name changed) has been struggling to move out of her house ever since she understood her troubled relationship with her parents. Born and bred in Chennai, Sonia often used to complain about not having a comforting relationship with her parents.
Sonia loves reading and calls it therapeutic. She found her solace in reading books from a young age. By the time Sonia grew up she started realising how different her views are from her parents and so she decided not to spend too much time with them.
“I did my MBA from Bangalore but had to go back to Chennai for my first job. I neither liked my job nor having my parents around.”
Sonia was in a state of chaos, where she couldn’t understand what was the root cause of the distance between herself and her parents. She did not have a good relationship with her brother either. Sonia felt like a misfit in her first job and the ongoing pressure from her parents was pushing her in the ditch of negativity.
Having an orthodox and unsupportive parents was getting hard on Sonia and so, she decided to move to Bangalore in search of a new job. After changing the city, Sonia thought this could be a good change but fate had different plans for her.
“I was happy without my parents, but when Covid-19 hit, I had to go back to my hometown. Due to an unforeseen event, I got close with my parents for a while but that didn’t last for long. I was feeling suffocated.”
The Covid-19 lockdown was a difficult time for everyone, and for someone like Sonia, it was a mere form of punishment. With each passing day, it was getting tough for her to be around her parents. Her parents started forcing her to get married and settle down, but she was not considering it at that moment. After a lot of thinking, Sonia decided to reach out to a counselor for therapy but, sadly, she couldn’t get on board with the ideologies of the said counselor.
“I left home right when the lockdown got lifted. I thought I would get better, but the negativity didn’t leave my side. The anxiety was even visible in my physical behaviour.”
Sonia started losing her sleep and her productivity at the workplace was also degrading. The constant pressure from her parents started affecting her mental and physical state as well. “Some days I would eat a lot and some days I would live without eating a single morsel”, says Sonia. She even took a week-long leave from work to focus on her mental health.
One of such days, Sonia decided to put an end to all the pressure and negativity by ending her life, but luckily, she didn’t commit any self harm. She was desperate; to talk to someone, to get guided by someone and to articulate her emotions. Sonia got to know about YourDOST from her organisation- Fyle and got connected with an expert Ms. Ishita.
Sonia chose the chat option to begin the counseling session with Ishita, as Sonia is not a big fan of audio or video calls! The first impression of Ishita in Sonia’s mind was ‘awesome!’ as she had finally found someone who not only would listen to her, but also provide guidance. Ishita suggested Sonia to practise breathing exercises and calming techniques. Ishita even suggested Sonia to maintain a thought log.
A thought log can help individuals to recognize how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors interact and influence one another.
Upon reflecting on the thought log, Ishita identified a pattern of self harm thoughts and other suicidal tendencies, and so she advised Sonia to seek help from a clinical psychologist as well. With the help of the psychologist and prescribed medications, Sonia soon started getting better in terms of suicidal thoughts and helped her rewire the negative thoughts.
Sonia is still on her way to make her relationship work well with her parents, but she is very happy to be able to focus on her work again. Now, Sonia rarely complains about not being able to sleep well and even identified her trigger points.
On a scale of 0 to 5, Sonia rates her improvement as 3 on 5, as she believes that she has a long way to go. But, from all of us at YourDOST, Sonia is a Rockstar who acknowledges her emotions and doesn’t shy away from seeking help! Instead, she requests everyone to not be afraid of their emotions and treat them with care.
Sonia’s Warrior Tips:
1. People nowadays are struggling a lot. Being courageous and talking about your issues is better than pretending to be alright.
2. Accept yourself as who you are, and if you feel that you need help; don’t ever shy away from it. You can always bounce back and get better!
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
