Question: I am a 22-year-old man doing pretty well professionally. I was in a serious relationship with a girl two years ago. As her family was against our relationship, she decided to end it and eventually got married to someone else. Since her marriage, I am going through serious psychological problems. Whenever I attend any wedding or see any newly married couple, I get depressed and turn violent. I get an urge to kill them and their whole family and eventually end up hurting my own body. This behaviour of mine is increasing by the day. Please guide me on how to control my emotions- Anonymous
Answer by Swekriti Bhatnagar: Breakups are indeed heart-wrenching, especially when the two love each other but have to part ways because of someone else. I see how this one incident of the past has taken over your life and it is getting more difficult each day for you to lead a normal life. I appreciate your willingness to come and speak about it so openly and make a change. There seems to be a lot of pent up anger inside you that is manifesting in this form and it is only natural for you to feel this way. Self-harm could be a way to either escape the pain by inducing more pain in the body or a way to cope with the pain that is already inside. There seems to be a lot going inside you and seeking help from a professional in person would provide you right guidance.
Sharing your feelings or letting out your bottled emotions is essential for your overall health and wellbeing. Keeping these feeling inside would only burden your even more. You might want to consider confiding into a trusted friend or a family member you feel will understand you and will help you let it out. You can even speak to a professional for the same. Having a support system to fall back can help you cope better.
Another thing that might come handy is channelizing your anger into something else, something more productive. Reflect on what do you get out of harming yourself and slowly start replacing your self-harming urge with other coping strategies which could either be hitting a punching bag, regular exercising, screaming into a pillow or snapping a rubber band around your wrist, whatever works for you.
It hasn’t been easy for you all this while but now that you have taken this first step towards change, things will get better eventually if not resolved completely. I strongly urge that you speak to a professional. Take care.
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