Question: I am a 22-year-old man and I’ve been in a relationship since 6 years. I love my girlfriend and am very loyal to her. She is very beautiful, loves me a lot and is a great partner, but nowadays I have developed this strange habit of staring at other girls and end up getting attracted to them even if they are average looking. Why is this happening with me? Is this a normal scenario with all men? I feel very guilty inside and get depressed by thinking about it. I would never want to lose my girlfriend. Please help! – By Anonymous
Answer by Uthista Thota: I understand that it is extremely challenging for you to deal with the way you feel at the moment. If you feel distressed, depraved, guilty or embarrassed for feeling attracted to other women, don’t allow your conscience to continue withering under the weight of your shame. You might have a fleet of questions like “What is wrong with me?”, “Why do I feel this way?” “I shouldn’t feel this way” running through your head which only ensues the endless hours of self-criticism and merciless put-downs.
You need to understand that being attracted to the opposite sex is not a new problem or one that is unique to you, so do not get overly stressed or depressed it is but normal. Whether man or woman, there are steps a person can take to address this issue.
Firstly, men and women are built differently. Men are visually stimulated and women are more emotionally driven, so the temptations for a man to be attracted to a person of the opposite sex, based simply on looks, are far greater than for a woman. On the other hand, women are more enticed by touch, by closeness and by emotional understanding. However, since we are all social beings who are in constant need of approval from other’s I understand that the ways of society can pressure you to feel otherwise as well. The only thing that matters isn’t what or who you notice, it is what you decide to do about it (being self -aware). Usually, the random attraction that you develop goes away by themselves in a couple of days if you choose not to nourish them, and that’s perfectly okay.
Secondly, letting your partner know that you find others attractive doesn’t have to be as hard or as apocalyptic as you make it out to be. If you are attracted to women beyond your partner it is always better to break the silence by telling your partner how you feel and sharing your concerns regarding the same. It is necessary to acknowledge your attraction in some way, shape, or form so as to not continue repressing it.
Thirdly, you will find that through constant mental repetition of positive affirmations, you will start to embrace the inevitability of feeling attracted to others, and you will let go of the guilt associated with these feelings. Remember, you chose to be with your partner for a very good reason, and it is important to remind yourself of that.
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