True love is when you are willing to give another chance hoping that they will change.
– Anonymous
One day you’re going to remember me and how much I loved you…then you’re gonna hate yourself for letting me go
– Drake
Such is love.
One of the most powerful and the best feelings in the world comes when one is in love. Such feelings are so powerful that one literally falls head over heels into an obsession with the other person, and in most cases, having desirable expectations which may or may not be fulfilled.
When it comes to relationships, we may have been the lucky ones to get the best of all partners but then there are unfortunate reasons and eye-opening experience of being in an extremely toxic one. Sometimes, one is so deep in the trenches that s/he is unable to see the mess until it is too late. We humans have the tendency to idealise things that we want
Studies have shown that being in “love relationship” actually makes your lover seem more honest, attractive, trustworthy, intelligent, respectful, committed and desirable than they really are.
But there are times when the person takes a hard decision to “let go” the relationship. The reasons can be many: physical abuse, nagging, control, addiction (towards drugs, alcohol, smoking or gambling), disrespect, cheating, communication issues, differences in goals and values, and many more endless reasons.
People do make the best to solve the situations by compromising, enduring hardships,or even trying to convince themselves of reasons not to leave their relationship. People having such hopes that “one day things will get better” or go back to the past as to “how things were and that all the pain will go away one day”.
After the breakup it maybe natural for a person to feel sad, hurt and devastated. The thoughts maybe haunting and make both the partners guilty and frustrated. The subconscious mind being a part making the person restless to meet each other for one more time.
But what should a person do when there seems to be a ray of hope?
Should one still trust and accept him/her? Taking a person back into a relationship is like reloading the gun and giving it back to him to shoot you in the back once more.
There may be various reason for the partner to want to come back.
- S/he may be dissatisfied with their other partner who could not do the little tricks like the first one did,
- S/he may not able to fulfil their primary needs,
- S/he may have insecure feelings like jealousy
Thus, it may be wise to also make deals before accepting the relationship which may require effective communication and also ascertain the reason for what is making him / her to want to come back.
While aggreing to accept someone, one should keep the future in mind wherein one has a vast number of reasons to live and prove their self for. The world has much to offer and to look forward to than giving focus to the people who have left you and then asking your attention again and again.
Effective communication may begin by being assertive to the partner, making them aware about your feelings, emotions, incidents, struggles which one faced after breakup.
People hate uncertainty, and they love being accepted – an ex provides the least amount of uncertainty, because the partner understands them, and know them well. In addition, they’re choosing to get back together, after falling out. They’re most likely looking for some familiarity as well. That lends itself directly to being accepted.
If one does succeed in getting back together, one should not dwell on past wrongs or spend time blaming each other for what went wrong. Instead, as wisdom says, one should focus on discussing what each other’s need from the relationship and discuss how to help each other get it.
On the other hand, if one fails to succeed in getting back together, one should try taking the experience in the positive ways and move ahead in search of another partner with whom a better life can be lead.
