Just a few months ago I had the worst break up of my life. I call it the worst break up, not because it was the longest relationship, but it was the relationship that meant the most to me.
It was the relationship that had most potential. We were engaged to get married, but she called it off with a single line.
I felt like my body was on fire and I cannot even begin to describe the kind of pain I was experiencing. I spent the following couple of weeks smoking and not eating regular meals. I was under the impression that since I had not shed a single tear, I would be alright. But I was wrong, I was not going to be alright.
After a week of what I can only describe as a living hell, the realization dawned on me – she was gone and I was alone. I completely broke down and anticipated a nervous breakdown and doctors prescribing sleeping pills for me to be able to sleep at night. That even came true!
I often wondered, ‘Why me?’ I was honest in my relationship and went to great lengths to satisfy her, while all she did was cheat on me and hurt me with her cruel words. Clearly, I was the victim.
This seems to be the end of my very sad story. However, a broken heart is not always a bad thing, since sometimes, it can inspire more love in you than you thought you were capable of!
I decided to pack my bags and spend some time with my relatives in Karnah. I thought, for the first time, I’d create a relationship with myself. My time spent at Karnah was a time of self-realization – it hit me that I had wasted my life after graduation.
I didn’t make it to a Master’s degree in Kashmir University, I failed the civil service examinations and I wasn’t even doing much with my human rights cum community media organization. I had even stopped practicing the ritual of praying 5 times a day, as is prescribed in the Holy Scriptures.
They say everything, even the bad stuff, happens for a reason, and I truly believe that that is right. This is because something good arises out of every bad thing. Out of my break up arose in me a sense of responsibility and passion to my goals. I started praying 5 times again, I rediscovered my love for writing and also quit smoking.
Also, I admitted to myself that I wasn’t the victim. Everything that was happening was not just happening to me but was also happening because of me.
These 2 months have been long and hard, and I am not yet over the depression I faced during my break up. But I’m getting there.
In my opinion, experiences like heart breaks are meant to be experienced, not avoided. An analogy can be drawn to fighting off a wave of the mighty sea. The more you fight it, the more difficult it becomes for you. You must just let the emotions pass through you, and you will emerge stronger and wiser.
Today, I am thankful that my heart was broken and untapped all the potential in me. I am never going to close myself off again, ever.
Originally Published on Youth Ki Awaaz
