Marriage, especially in India, is considered as a sacred institution. Be it the youngsters or aged people, for both, marriage holds a very respectable place in their eyes. But due to an age gap, youngsters & parents often have a differing take on marriage. If youngsters have an open sky to fly, on the contrary, few of the parents have confined themselves into the handcuffs of society, tradition, rituals, culture, religion etc.
And when such parent’s children want to get married to their choice of girl/boy, the tiff begins.
This is where a proper communication comes into picture
In this post, we look at how to deal with your parents who aren’t agreeing to a boy/girl of your choice for marriage, and how to convince them.
1. Befriend your parents:
Many times it happens that though children love their parents, either they don’t share a good rapport with their parents or they have a communication gap between them. It could be because their thinking doesn’t match and they start ignoring or rebelling their parents or their parents get replaced by their friends, studies, and their own personal life.
Since you have made your mind of marrying the partner of your choice, you also want your parents to also accept your decision.
The best way is to start building up a good relation with your parents. It begins with spending quality time with your parents. You should try to create such closeness that slowly and steadily you can start opening up about your personal life pages in front of them.
Additionally, try to spend time with them, discuss the topics of your friends and understand your parent’s opinion on your friend’s relation problems or issues that resemble your situation.
Here’s an example:
Mom, do you remember my friend rima? Her cousin had so many complications in her marriage. The guy belonged to a different community and caste and many other things. But finally, their parents got convinced and they are happily married. I am surprised they have they accepted the boy. It’s quite strange, right?
This story is just an example, you can create similar stories. The idea is to understand your parent’s opinion and reaction so that you know how things will work out for you.
2. Start sharing your view on marriage & life partner with your parents
If you have reached a certain age, then there is nothing wrong in bringing this topic in front of parents. Every parent has woven a dream of watching their children getting married.
You can sometimes pick up this topic in between an ongoing conversation. This gives you an opportunity to indirectly highlight the things that matter to you. For instance, your partner’s education, compatibility, support, etc. and the things that don’t matter, for instance, caste, creed, community, etc.
This way your parents will get aware about your point of view on marriage.
Your parents may react at that time, or ignore it, while not taking it seriously, but try to keep engaging with them in these types of talks everry now & then. Don’t do it repetitively, but at a good time pace. And while doing so don’t be rebellious but try to emphasize more on your thoughts, your philosophy for marriage & life.
3. Find your cupid in any one of your parent
By now you have mixed up in a good way with your parents, and also have delivered your thoughts & ideas to your parents regarding marriage. Now you need to observe who has been more inclined towards you from both your parents. As that parent would be playing cupid for your marriage with your choice of partner.
So when you have figured out that it’s time to introduce your to-be-life partner to that person – be it your mom or dad.
It could happen that s/he also may not be convinced and could be in a shock after your confession. But patiently try to explain your parent about your relationship.
Make sure to keep your pints more practical rather than more emotional. Because you can’t convince your parents by just saying that you love her/him & can’t live without them. Because if you do that your parent may take that as your immaturity.
So act in a mature manner, highlight your thoughts, expectations and how your partner is just suitable for it. Talk more about her/his education, career, achievements, the time when they have supported you, their nature, etc.
Don’t try to dominate the conversation but also listen to your parent. It’s not about answering them back, but also trying to understand their fears & concerns.And after listening to them, try to clarify their doubts. Try to mitigate their concerns & fears by explaining them in a broader sense. Make them realize that few of their fears and thoughts with respect to society and community are so ungrounded.
4. Take help of the relatives who are elder to your parents or whom your parents admire and respect
If your parents are still stubborn and adamant not to support your decision, you can involve your extended family i.e. your relatives. You can try and convince your grandparents or relatives who are elder to your parents, and who you are comfortable talking. There is a possibility that your parents will get convinced by them. This can play a crucial role in convincing your parents. The more support you get from your own close relatives, that much more your parents would try to understand and get the courage to support you.
5. Introduce the girl/boy
Now you need to introduce your partner. Give your partner and your parents time to understand each other. Before introducing your partner to parents, do give a brief idea about each family member to your partner.
6. Let the both bride’s & bridegroom’s family meet!
The most important thing is to establish a comfort between your partner and your own family. And when your family has started trusting your partner and liking him/her, it’s time to make your parents meet and fix dates!
It’s tough to convince some reserved and orthodox parents, but it’s not impossible.Remember that in all the process you need to be very patient, positive and have empathy towards your parents feeling. Like I have written before, every parent wants their children to remain happy and blessed.
Marriage can give a lot of stress to anyone. We understand. But our experts are there for you! Do talk to our experts and get advice and guidance on all marriage and relationship related issues.