IN BRIEF: In this post we look into the vantage point of marriage from a woman’s perspective. We address the meaning, sacrifice, vulnerabilities of marriage from her view point.
From the time I was a child, I was highly ambitious. And somehow, I had a knack of observing and analysing things in my surroundings, especially if it was about inequality between male and female. I remember, when I was 7 or 8 years old, I used to visit my maternal family over vacations.
I always saw that my maternal aunt (Mami), would finish her job, come home, quickly freshen up and do the household chores like cooking, dusting, helping kids in their studies etc. On the other hand, my maternal uncle (Mama), worked from home most of the time, as he had his own business, didn’t have to do anything. He came to home, ordered for the tea, lunch etc. I used to asked my mother that what made him so special. But the answer is that after marriage, every girl has to do compromises.
Is this right? On one hand, we commonly hear a phrase that a marriage unites two individuals and they are responsible to fulfil their duties. But as much I observed over the years, it seems like that it is only a woman’s responsibility. What all a girl expects after marriage, what challenges she faces, what sacrifices she makes and what is the reality? Are the questions I am addressing in this post.
Sacrifices
The biggest sacrifice is that a girl will go to the boy’s house leaving her home and accept his family as her own. She starts to mould herself according to the In-laws family and tradition. Even most of the girls leave their jobs and studies post marriage, because their In-laws don’t allow such undertakings. They end up sacrificing little aspects of life which brought them happiness, just for sake of the family.
Challenges
Any girl who lives with her family for years and just post the wedding day, she will start living according to her In-laws family traditions and restrictions. Chances are she will have to discontinue things/hobbies/interests of her choice. Also makes efforts to conform and keep her In-laws happy. If she is allowed to work, then she will have to carry on the usual chores and run errands around the house, regardless of time constraints. Decision making is another challenge, where she might be supervised at every step of the way.
Expectations
Every girl has dreams about her wedding life. And she has some expectations from her husband, who is suppose to work together and fulfil each other’s responsibilities and promises. If she is a career oriented woman, she wants that autonomy of having to depend less on the husband’s income, and also to earn and save together for the future.
Given the fact that she has to move in with her husband and his parents, a totally new environment, if the husband works in a different city or country, she expects her husband to keep in touch in every which way to make her comfortable until she settles in the new home. An understanding spouse is what she expects.
Reality
But the reality is way different from the expectations. Most men wish not to part with their parents, post marriage. Mother In-law’s tend not to allow her daughter In-law to work or study. Usually, traditional, orthodox families expect their daughter In-laws to take responsibility of the house, and not to juggle with career ambition. Spending money too is frowned upon, even if the girl earns substantial money.
The fact that men refrain to part ways with their parents, as the parents have sacrificed a lot to give their son a comfortable life with quality education and love. Somehow society seems to regard women who wish to make a family and a separate home, as rebels.
Conclusion
You see, nowadays, any voice raised in terms of equality for women is considered rebellious and labeled as FEMINISM. It is not about women suppressing or dominating, but to be considered as an equal and to be given similar autonomy and freedom. Do let us know of your thoughts in the comments.
