How To Cope With Parents Who Compare?

4 minutes

We all hate that Sharmaji ka beta who somehow is loved more than yourself at home. From marks in the exams to sports to laurels, and of course job – he is the scale of measurement your parents use. Even if you both have failed at some task, you just need to fail with a closer chance of getting through. While the name Sharmaji changes in each of our cases, the situation remains the same.

comaparing-parents

Since birth we start off with ample hopes and opportunities and not all of us are gifted with similar ones. The one who makes the best of what they have been gifted grabs the peak. But then our peak cannot be all the same. I know how much you wish you could explain this to your parents when they are yelling at you. We all know these statements only turn into heated arguments and end up killing your mood. So why not learn to handle it?

Losing your cool when your parents don’t understand you is natural. And to make you feel inferior is mean. But you need to know that you cannot fight words with words in this situation. It is your action that can prove you to be wise, strong and better than your neighbor. First, although taking your neighbor as a scale of comparison is wrong, learn to make the best of the situation. Your parents expect you to keep your scale up because they know you are capable of it. Understand they want to be proud parents.

1. First, although taking your neighbor as a scale of comparison, is wrong learn to make the best of the situation. Your parents expect you to keep your scale up because they know you are capable of it. Understand they want to be proud parents like Sharmaji.

Parents Comparing
Source: baggout.com

2. Second, never let such comparisons demotivate you. In fact, I would say turn it around and get ready to prove you are much capable. Invest your time and energy on your passion and give it your best. Once you reap the results, you have a strong statement by your side to counter theirs.

3. Third, set your own level of expectation. Usually, parents happen to do such comparisons due to societal pressure. The society is at all times ready to force on you, their standards and expectations. But as an individual, it is your choice and expectation that should matter. Set your goals and analyze how far you are from them. Remember the society does not earn you, your daily bread.

4. Fourth, you can always turn the table to suit you. Tell your parents, your neighbor is successful because his/her parents are much supportive. Also, tell them you could do the same if you have them by your side to support you through your journey.

Also, stop back-answering to your parents, when they compare. Rather accept that in some aspects your neighbor might excel. Tell them you might not be as good as him/her in that particular skill but will always try to give your best to improve. (Do try to improve :P). Start comparing your improvement to yourself and talk to your parents to do the same. Tell them you would like it better if only they stopped comparing you with others and started comparing you with your past performance.

I know it is hard to keep your cool when parents start off with this talk. So the next time you have such a conversation remember to start thinking about those things that you are good at and you will begin to feel proud and definitely less hurt. Don’t forget you are someone else`s Sharmaji ka beta. 😉

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Varshnee Raj

Varshnee Raj, an engineer by background, loves to invest her time in things which can improve her knowledge and share them through her writings. She has interest in craft work and painting. She also feels powerful to be able to help people during their low times through her words.