My Wife Enjoys Foreplay But Is Scared Of Sex

2 minutes

Question: It’s been 1 month since I got married, but we have not consummated our marriage till date. My wife does enjoy foreplay, but when it comes to intercourse, she gets scared by the idea of it.

She does want to go ahead but is so fearful that we can’t move ahead. I am so disappointed that I am slipping into depression slowly. I have also lost interest in my wife due to the same reason. Kindly help me out of this situation. – By Anonymous

Answer by Sushma Hebbar: This must be a difficult phase for you. Sexual intimacy plays an important role in relationship. It’s quite common to be anxious about the act, now this fear could be because of lack of knowledge or any past experiences or medical issues or scared of being judged during the performance (performance anxiety).

Your wife may be feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed or afraid. You can make her comfortable and ease her into the act. Sex is not only physical but also has an emotional element for woman. If she gets comfortable with you and is able to build that emotional bond she might be willing to take the physical relationship forward. Try spending as much as time you can with her, you don’t have to discuss about this always. You can try doing things which can make her feel relaxed. It could be going out somewhere, healthy conversations, quality time with her or anything which you think she will enjoy in trying to improve the quality of your relationship.Most women develop this kind of fear based on what they have heard from friends that at the first attempt there will be severe pain and bleeding. Talk it out and understand her fears and assure that you will wait for her and give her that space. Yes, it can be really frustrating for you, but rushing anything now might end up in some other problems, give it sometime for her.

Most women develop this kind of fear based on what they have heard from friends that at the first attempt there will be severe pain and bleeding. Talk it out and understand her fears and assure that you will wait for her and give her that space. Yes, it can be really frustrating for you, but rushing anything now might end up in some other problems, give it sometime for her.

If these don’t work, seeking help from mental health care professional might help. Take care.

Source: TOI

If you or anybody you know needs such help, you can Ask the Experts at YourDOST. We are there to help you! 

Sushma Hebbar

Sushma Hebbar is a Senior Psychologist at YourDOST. She is an experienced career psychologist with a Master's in Clinical Psychology. She has worked with clients of different age groups, dealing with a wide variety of psychosocial & life adjustment problems that people face in their everyday lives. She has an extensive experience of dealing with career confusions, academic issues, relationship issues, exam stress and skill development. She worked as a facilitator and trained children for the development of Higher Order Thinking Skills. During her internship at All India Institute of Speech and Hearing at Mysore, she worked with children having ADHD, Learning disability and even those who were intellectually disbaled and suffered from Down syndrome. Her belief is that every individual is unique and has the right to be happy, which clearly goes on to show her liberal mindset.

CALL
MESSAGE
CHAT