How To Ignite Love in An Arranged Marriage

5 minutes

We have heard stories of our parents adjusting with each other and with families. We have felt the heat of any argument they had while growing up. Though our parents, grandparents are epitome to make us believe in the institution of marriage but somewhere they have also created a notion that in an arranged marriage, life with your partner is not as romantic and love-filled as in a love marriage. Being part of your close friend’s happy love-married life can make you question the ease and love in an arranged marriage.  

With due respect to the ideology of love marriage, we need to know that arranged marriages can also be as loving as love marriages, if not more. It just needs more efforts from both partners as the relationship in arranged marriage progresses from being strangers to being life partners in a short period of time. Same efforts which people put in, before marriage, to name it as love marriage.

What is necessary to make an arranged marriage pleasing and loveable is the readiness to take steps towards the expression of love. It is true for all relationships but especially in an arranged marriage, a young couple should take care of expressing one’s emotions instead of hiding them or expecting the partner to understand them without being told. 

A certain level of trust in the fact that your partner loves you is necessary but what is essential is expressing love through both words and action. Simple things like a long gaze in the eyes, tender notes in voice, small favours and kindness can go a long way.

Here are things one can do to kindle romance in an arranged marriage:

Things to do before marriage:

  1. Try to develop a friendship and then let it gradually grow into a romantic relationship. You can do so by sending chocolates or flowers  which hint that you would like to be friends first. Also, fix out a certain time to talk to your partner – be it on a phone or skype or e-mails or even hand written letters. 
  2. Get to know each other’s childhood experiences and family so as to gel better. Ask about each other’s dreams so that you can understand what they want from life.
  3. Trust is essential as you and your partner might be living in different cities and have different schedules. One can try sharing the scary secret for example if you have been bullied or sexually assaulted. Asking forgiveness for self-perceived wrongdoings will help build trust.
  4. Plan to meet each other. Spend quality time together. Observe details of your partner which you can’t experience on phone – perfume they wear or brightness in the eyes.

Things to do after marriage:

  1. There will be things you don’t like about your partner. Don’t try to change each one of them and don’t fret over every small issue. Accept the way your partner is. Sometimes your partner squeezes toothpaste from middle and you prefer it from the end. Don’t fight over it. Don’t try to change them. Bring your own tube of toothpaste if it bothers you so much.
  2. Try to do a role-reversal for a day. Husband will be handling all tasks his partner does on a daily basis and same goes for the wife. This will help you to know challenges your partner faces on daily basis. This exercise will help you gain respect towards each other’s work.
  3. Share duties with each other. Don’t make your relation stuck in role decided by society  – only the wife will cook and husband will pay bills. Even husband can help in household chores and wife can help her partner to manage finances.
  4. Break the monotony. Try to indulge in a DIY activity rather than going out for the movie. Play romantic version of scrabble than sitting in front of television whole day. Find out different interest areas and explore it together. This will help you to spend quality time together and will reveal a new fun side of your partner.
  5. Be ready to give more than you get. A relationship works like a bow. Greater you stretch the thread, the more the limb will bend. Be more like the limb of bow for a successful relationship.

So there you have it – things you can do to strengthen your relationship. 

And remember: a perfect marriage is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

If you wish to seek guidance on how to lead a happy married life, do talk to our experts at YourDOST.

Manisha Sharma

Manisha is a special friend at YourDOST. She has done Masters of Science in Applied Psychology. She is IT Engineer by profession from the last three years. She also has experience of teaching students upto 10th standard for one academic session. She has volunteered in i-Care, a CSR initiative of her company, to teach specially abled kids. She loves doing DIY stuff. As a psychologist, she helps people to explore feelings and emotions that are often related to their experiences. This allows people to reflect on what is happening to them and consider alternative ways of doing things. Through YourDOST she wants to reach out to as many as possible.