“I was madly in love with a girl. Everyone except her knew about my feelings. We were close – we hung out together, went to movies, dinner, etc. I also supported her whenever and wherever she needed my help. But I couldn’t share my feelings with her. I was going nuts with this and after much persuasion from my friends, I finally decided to tell her how I felt about her. But when I did, she rejected my proposal saying I am her best guy friend ever, and that she was already in a relationship. She also said she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend and still want to keep in touch. I clung to the hope that she will have a change of heart and will come back to me but it’s been a year now and she is in that relationship. I still cannot get over her. This feeling is killing me from the inside. I feel like committing a suicide.”
As counsellors, we get a lot of queries and requests from our clients on how to get over the friendzoned feeling. So we decided to write a post on it. While the term “friendzone” is relatively new, it broadly signifies unrequited feelings for a sexual and romantic attraction. Rejection of any manner is never easy to deal with but by carefully distracting yourself, you can overcome those bad feeling and successfully move on in your life.
Here are some tips to help you out:
1. Identifying emotions and letting go
You may go through a lot of bad feelings at the same time after being rejected – anger, sorrow, frustration, betrayal, and more importantly hurt. It’s thus very important to vent out your feelings to let the pent up hurt expressed. Venting up is also cathartic in nature.
You should try and dissect different feelings and emotions bothering you about your current situation for instance:
- Betrayal: as best friend rejected him and is dating another person
- Pain: Of losing a friend and the love of his life
- Anger: Of having her choose another guy over him
- Frustration: As there is no one else he can share his pain with
- Sadness: Of having her reject him
- A sense of worthlessness
After identifying the feelings, it’s important to learn techniques to deal with each of these emotions and ways to heal from it. You can try different techniques on your own, or talk to an expert you can help you deal with it. Further, it’s not just the feelings but the triggers that may make you spiral downwards in the loop of self-worthiness, anger, and frustration. You should also identify those triggers and identify ways to combat it.
2. Self-improvement skills:
Having addressed those bad feelings, the next step is to improve your confidence. In all likelihood, you have tried to be the “best” person for your love interest. And the odds are you have forgotten about your own self.
Try to visualize yourself as a confident person. Use positive affirmations such as “I am confident, I am strong, and I trust myself”; “ I am a loving person & I am worthy of love”; “ I believe in myself and my abilities.” etc. It can help you greatly.
Take good care of yourself by doing things that help you heal, for instance, meditation, healthy sleep, proper eating, and having more leisure time for yourself.
3. Making more friends
It is the time when you need the company of others the most. And it’s a good reason to forge new allies and friendship. Do a SWAT analysis to identify your strengths and weaknesses – the areas you are good at the ones you need to work on, For instance, communication skills, language skills, grooming, and hygiene, etc. Also identify your passions, interests, hobbies like music, language, sports, gym, etc. Once you start pursuing it, you will meet like-minded people who share the same interest. It will help you feel good and confident about yourself.
It may be really awful to be friendzoned by someone you love and care for. We understand. But we are here to help. Do talk to a YourDOST expert and get guidance and support to get over it.