Trigger Warning: Mention of Bullying and Suicidal Thoughts
Poorva Jambhulkar is a 21-year-old student pursuing her Bachelor’s in Design from the National Institute of Design, Ahmedabad.
Born and brought up in Delhi to Maharashtrian parents, her family of four, each with contrasting personalities and academic paths, taught her the beauty of embracing differences early on. However, mutual understanding of the other person’s choices held them together.
“I was a chirpy, fun-loving, talkative kid during my early childhood and always looked for doing something wild and adventurous.”
Poorva explains that she even forgot about her childhood personalities as she grew. It was when she found first grade report card with remarks about her hyperactiveness, it took her back to those flashbacks.
Poorva always had a creative spark, starting in school. Sketching, painting, and drawing were her companions, allowing her to explore the world through colour and imagination. However, navigating social spaces proved to be more complicated for Poorva.
“I found it hard to culturally relate to a lot of people around me, even though I was in a city with diverse people, but I did manage to find one friend I connected with.”
She recalls that adolescence brought complex changes to her life. A bullying experience during her teenage years, coupled with academic pressure, dulled that vibrant spark and made her shut down, says Poorva.
She explains that she felt like Poorva had lost her personality after the incident. When she joined college, even though she tried to bring it back in a new space, she was faced with the next most significant obstacle of her life.
“I used to think I was acclaimed for creativity during school, but everybody had advanced skills when I joined my dream college, where creativity thrives. Slowly, I started developing a sense of inadequacy and questioned my self-worth.”
Poorva shares that being at a nationally acclaimed college where everyone had advanced skillsets made her insecure and critical. As her college started after the lockdown, she began criticising herself for relaxing at home instead of using the days to improve her creativity and knowledge.
All of these led to Poorva creating a negative self-perception and being extremely demotivated. She felt emotionally weak and depressed. She started using her phone all day long and got addicted to playing chess on her phone. When the situation worsened, Poorva felt her hands tremble.
She adds that she couldn’t even pick up a pencil to draw something. She realised she had to address the issue immediately. Poorva recollected her college orientation, where they briefed her about their subscription to YourDOST and their team’s campaign on the campus.
“They organised an ice-breaking session. I still remember people sharing hilarious titles for their autobiographies; It was a fun and memorable introduction.”
Though initially unsure, thinking about the orientation, Poorva decided that it could be something that would work. She slowly connected with an expert on the chat option on the platform and expressed her struggles and how it drives her to suicidal thoughts at times.
Poorva says that the counselor acknowledged the good things in her, though she resisted at first and told them not to ‘trick’ her into thinking positively. All she wanted was to know what was wrong with her. However, she adds that the counselor gently worked around it and made her understand that she wasn’t broken.
Behind her vibrant creativity, the amplified anxiousness led her into a cycle of overthinking, anxiety, and creative paralysis. Poorva adds she was also in denial of being anxious, or even wanting to know what the term meant. She pretended to be okay when people around her got worried.
As the situation got more serious, the counselors on the platform also suggested that Poorva consult a psychiatrist as she needed medications to help with her symptoms.
Poorva took their advice and went on antidepressants and continued the sessions to beat the side effects and take care of her mental well-being. She elaborates that despite the heaviness of that phase, therapy provided her with anchors that she needed.
The counselor made her reflect on her emotions, like what she felt while looking at a blank paper. It made her realise how far her anxiety had taken over something she once loved. They also encouraged grounding exercises, focused breathing and mindfulness to help with her anxiety.
“More than the techniques, the way the therapists validated my emotions, complemented my visions and made efforts to remember everything I shared made me feel good about myself. They slowly uncovered the tangles of my thoughts and helped me introspect.”
She explains that even when she wanted to work on all the issues at once, the therapist helped her stay patient and guided her step-by-step towards progress. Poorva also started working on her time management, for which the counselor helped her by also providing her with articles and resources.
She expresses that every day for almost two years, Poorva believed she was not good enough and that she didn’t deserve love. The counselors told her that being aware of what’s happening inside was great progress and made her feel appreciated.
As she recovered slowly but gradually, Poorva thanked the counselors for pushing her one step ahead daily and rated herself 3.5 out of 5. She continues her creative journey with self-compassion and calls the therapy sessions her ‘cosy, comfortable, safe space’.
“I also appreciate the YourDOST platform for the idea of connecting the users immediately with available therapists. It helps whenever we need a quick expression of our emotions and a momentary relief.”
We appreciate her unfiltered nature and the resistance she has shown towards life, and we believe that she will reach heights in the future.
Poorva’s Warrior Tips:
1.“Therapy is a space that would prioritise making you feel secure and safe emotionally.”
2.“Even if it feels like your problems aren’t ‘serious enough,’ therapy isn’t just for severe crises. It’s also for clarity. ”
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
