“Empowerment is not a trend; it’s a lifestyle.” – Unknown.
Bhuvaneshwari, a 39-year-old senior program manager at Capillary in Bangalore, is on a journey to incorporate peace and empowerment into her life.
Born and raised in Coimbatore, Bhuvaneshwari confided in her grandfather and her sister more than her parents, who were working professionals. She also passionately explains her childhood memories, where she felt content and creative with her sister, whom Bhuvaneshwari believes to be her one constant person.
“Growing up, there weren’t regular television shows, and we had limited toys, but we had a lot of amazing conversations, our grandpa narrated stories, we read books, and we just ran around the house. It was a precious time for me.”
Bhuvaneshwari started working in the IT industry right after her graduation. During the phases of her career, Bhuvaneshwari met her partner and married after six years of relationship. They also have an 8-year-old kid whom they love dearly.
Beyond all her accomplishments and career in IT, Bhuvaneshwari was also interested in a career in the arts. She explained that she appreciated good Carnatic music and had even attended singing class as a kid. She adds that she developed an avid interest in photography when she was 25.
Bhuvaneshwari also tried pursuing a photography career during her break and took a course in Mumbai. She returned when things didn’t pan out in the field.
When everything with her family and career went smoothly, Bhuvaneshwari started feeling withdrawn from her old self one day. She felt that balancing work and family could get complicated, and her mind was occupied, so she decided she needed help to work on it.
“In life, we can handle some situations well, but certain situations can feel overwhelming. When I encountered such a situation, I took the opportunity to connect with a counsellor through my company and speak out about my problems.”
Bhuvaneshwari remembered that her company has a subscription with YourDOST for employee well-being. She eventually contacted an expert on the platform and started taking the sessions.
She started speaking about all her situations to her therapist, Ms. Sailee J, whom she felt most comfortable talking to. Bhuvaneshwari elaborates that she was too focused on the needs of her husband and kids to realise that her needs had been taking a back seat all along. She came to this understanding when she enrolled in a fitness program.
After a long time, she felt like she was putting herself first—Bhuvaneshwari was taking time towards her physical workout and diet seriously.
“I have been preparing what my kid and husband like to eat, and I used just to eat what was there. When I started the fitness program, we planned groceries and food around what I needed. We started remodelling our entire routine.”
Bhuvaneshwari says that just when she started feeling content, the weekend arrived, and she felt too stressed after the two days as she spent all her time with everyone except herself.
“This might sound trivial, but I didn’t follow any of my routine for two days, and I felt exhausted. I even felt like I needed a break on Monday. The same issue happened for four consecutive weeks, and I felt worn down and broke down.
She explains that she was getting a sense that everything about her life revolved around her family and that she was taking it out on her husband and kids.
“I shouted to my husband, saying they were the reason I had no time for myself. Even my kid made an impression of how I talk and told me I’m not being polite anymore.”
Bhuvaneshwari describes that this was the moment she completely understood she had to work on herself. She also adds that her family worked with her when she started therapy, though the extended family members weren’t supportive.
“Ms Sailee listened to me patiently and never interrupted me with premature ideas on how to solve the issues. She gave me a safe space to speak my story out loud, giving me a perspective on my thoughts. Everything hidden within was getting an outlet.”
Bhuvaneshwari explains that her counselor asked the right questions to direct her towards compartmentalising her thoughts from her emotions. She adds that, along with empathising with Bhuvaneshwari, the counselor gave her some actionable advice, such as using ‘I’ statements and organising her thoughts.
“A woman’s contribution is often overlooked in a household. Everything becomes your problem, and society subconsciously accepts it that way. My therapist gave me the most essential thing every Indian woman desperately needs – validation.”
Bhuvaneshwari elaborates that despite having a lovely family, whenever she was stressed or had a burnout, the immediate reaction from her circle was, ” Everyone does that; it is normal.” Only after therapy did Bhuvaneshwari feel like somebody understood her and reassured her.
She also realised she could communicate everything she felt more nicely without pouring out her frustration on her family. Once she started acknowledging the changes, Bhuvaneshwari decided not to let society dictate the terms of a wife and a mother.
She describes with realisations during therapy that Bhuvaneshwari felt that after ten years, she didn’t want to be a sore person who kept putting her priorities at the bottom of the list.
“I had a brief talk with my family and decided to take a vacation. I went on my first ever solo trip for ten days and gave time for myself while my husband and kid managed their routine by themselves”.
Bhuveneshwari acknowledges that therapy and the solo trip helped her reconnect with herself, and she expresses profoundly that she owes it to her counselor, Ms Sailee.
“I was overwhelmed and needed validation, and Ms Sailee helped me get through the toughest phase in my life.”
As Bhuvaneshwari works on improving her lifestyle by being better every morning than the previous day, she rates herself 4 out of 5. Being an integral part of her process, we feel proud and empowered to see her take control of her life!
Bhuvaneshwari’s Warrior tips:
1.“Take things one step at a time; we have our entire lives to figure things out.”
2.“Getting help will not downgrade you; keep an open mind and help you grow in the long run.”
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