Trigger warning: Abuse and bullying
“Take your pick in life, work on it. If it doesn’t work, there’s always Plan B,” says Arpan Kumar, a 30-year-old student from the National Institute of Fashion Technology, Bangalore.
After pursuing a Bachelor of Science course for three years, which he couldn’t complete, Arpan’s next choice was a B.A. course. Before proceeding, he realised his passion for design, which led him to pursue a design course. This led him to join the Bachelor of Textile Design course.
Arpan was born in Jharkhand and grew up in Mumbai. His father was in the Navy, and his mother was a stay-at-home mom. He also has a younger brother who is currently doing his postgraduate studies.
Arpan shifted to Bangalore for his studies with his mother, while the rest of the family resides in Mumbai. He describes his mother being the backbone throughout his life.
“I have had a difficult childhood. I used to be bullied a lot in school. My mom has always been the one person who looked out for me and helped me with most of my issues.”
Arpan elaborates that his classmates used to say mean things to him in school, and teachers used to join them instead of helping him. He explains feeling helpless and scared to go to class during school days.
Enduring the abuse daily, Arpan found comfort in writing and drawing, which also became a hobby. He adds that he has represented a cricket club in Mumbai for various tournaments and has also given trials for Mumbai Cricket Association.
As he grew, even though Arpan moved on to various aspects of his life, the trauma felt haunting, says Arpan. He was getting nightmares and had anxiety about connection to people for a prolonged period of his life.
He then consulted the professionals in NIMHANS and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and schizotypal personality disorder. Arpan adds that the episodes of trauma were the reason his mother moved along with him to Bangalore, leaving behind the other family members.
While trying to work them out, he faced similar issues in college. Arpan wanted to find a way to seek help, and that’s when he noticed emails related to YourDOST through his college’s partnership. He started using the platform and the self-help resources, which he felt were helpful.
Some of Arpan’s college mentors, aware of his issues, also encouraged him to seek therapy. Arpan took the advice and started taking sessions from the available experts.
“My first session with the counselor felt very calm and soothing. She was friendly and approachable. I felt she would listen without judgment and try to understand even if there is no immediate solution.”
Arpan says he could clearly explain his feelings and thoughts to the counselor. He opened up about his trauma from school to her eventually.
“After all the episodes of bullying, even when I’m alone, I used to feel like I’m back in that situation and get scared. It was taunting and excruciating that I unconsciously repressed and forgot about them for some time.”
Arpan adds that he used to remember those memories when he was asleep. Most of the time, his dreams were of Arpan running away from his bullies. When he started facing bullying in college, too, since he was a 30-year-old adult in a classroom of late teenagers, the intensity of his trauma increased.
“All of a sudden, after so many years, I felt I was in the same situation. My fellow students made it worse since I wasn’t in their age group. I had almost given up. Thanks to therapy, I found the hope to feel better.”
Arpan explains that he got support when he badly needed it. He recollects being very emotional during his sessions, and he just wanted to let everything out and feel free.
As they progressed in therapy, his counselor slowly involved him in specific tasks, such as journaling his emotions and labelling them carefully. She also suggested that Arpan take a walk every time he was overwhelmed.
“My therapist even spoke with my faculty to let me take a few breaks between classes to take a walk if I’m not feeling good. It helped me immensely to calm myself down.”
Arpan adds that to help him with the anxiety attacks; he was also taught box breathing techniques and splashing cold water on the face to bring him back to the present.
He explains that, slowly, he started seeing changes in himself. Arpan felt he had finally found hope to improve after an extremely tough journey. He says he felt comfortable with his thoughts and no longer felt helpless.
“How I used to function daily wasn’t normal, and I couldn’t ask for help as a kid. Now, I have been helped, and I feel relieved. I have more confidence to believe and do things better in life.”
Even though Arpan’s episodes of PTSD have come down, he is still in the process of getting over his nightmares. He adds that despite the fear, knowing there’s always help and he can talk to his therapist is comforting.
“I used to have thoughts that I don’t want to live anymore, but after a few sessions of therapy, I feel positive and hopeful. The credit for making me respect myself goes to my counselor.”
As he expresses his gratitude, Arpan gives himself a 4 out of 5 for feeling better. We admire and appreciate his bravery in showing faith in life and moving forward.
Arpan’s Warrior Tips:
1.“Everyone has their journey. Irrespective of people’s judgment, keep moving ahead.”
2.“However hard your day is, celebrate the small wins and appreciate your efforts.”
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