Ours is a world where sometimes the largest voices are heard, but the quietest ones make the loudest noise. These are the stories of people that unfold in the corners of the world but are large enough to inspire others who walk on a similar path. Here is a similar journey of a young-spirited student with a story to tell aloud.
Ahaan, a 20-year-old student at the prestigious IISER Kolkata, has walked a path most of us can only imagine in our thoughts. His journey is one of significant inner struggle, resilience, and, lastly, growth.
Ahaan’s roots are in a small village near Gwalior, Madhya Pradesh. He grew up in a tight-knit community and was accustomed early on to the simplicity and solitude of rural life.
“It was a small world where everyone knew each other. However, as I moved to the city for my higher education, I began to see how small that world was.”
The transition from village life to the craziness of a city was challenging. For Ahaan, the city was not just a place but a whirlwind of emotions and experiences that he wasn’t quite prepared for.
His passion for writing, whether in Hindi or English, became his go-to activity to express the emotions he couldn’t otherwise articulate. However, under the surface of his words lay a deep-trenched turmoil.
During this tumultuous time, Ahaan first heard about YourDOST, which partnered with his institute as their official mental health partner. Though initially, he was reluctant to seek help as he wasn’t aware of the intricacies of therapy, something inside him knew he needed it. His initial sessions with Ms Nidhi, his counsellor, were challenging.
“It took me over 20 sessions to open up to her. However, she was very empathetic and patient, and I slowly began to trust her.”
Ahaan’s childhood suffered a strained relationship with his father and the heart-wrenching struggle of watching his mother suffer from chronic depression for two decades.
“Throughout my childhood, I grew up in an anxious atmosphere. I had a troubled relationship with my father, and my mother struggled with depression until my late teenage years. I knew my mother was in immense pain, but as a child, I didn’t have the tools to process or understand it.”
Watching his mother suffer left a deep crack in his heart from a young age. Although he wasn’t fully equipped to help her, he never left her side and supported her throughout her suffering. As Ahaan began his college journey, it became evident that the emotional scars from his childhood had created barriers, making it difficult for him to feel and process his own emotions. The absence of the love and care a child needs left him able to understand emotions objectively only, but rarely to feel them truly.
He also found it challenging to connect with others on a deeper level. There was an invisible barrier between Ahaan and his friends, making it increasingly hard to ignore.
“I found it hard to connect with people and make friends. I was always anxious and couldn’t even ask questions in class without my heart racing.”
His struggles weren’t just emotional; they were physical as well. Ahaan’s sleep was chronically disturbed, and his eating habits were poor. He felt disconnected from his own body and numb to the world around him. These changes were a result of insomnia and his body being on constant high alert, leaving him lethargic and exhausted by the end of the day.
“I was going through the motions of life, but I wasn’t truly living it. The world around me felt distant and blurry; I was numb to my own emotions and always lost in my head. Whether I was eating, talking, sleeping, or walking, I was never fully present in the moment. My mind and body were out of sync, creating a clear dissociation between them. Some of my friends jokingly called me absent-minded or dissociative, but I wish I could have told them that I had no control over it.”
With Ms. Nidhi’s guidance, Ahaan began to explore the roots of his anxiety and numbness. Together, they worked to understand his underlying concerns, setting him on a path to healing.
“We uncovered that my coping mechanisms from childhood, being independent, highly resilient, and staying alone, had helped me survive back then. The absence of a caregiver’s love made me rely heavily on myself, which kept me going during my childhood.”
However, as Ahaan was on his way to manhood, he realised this independence was just a coping mechanism. His friends’ love, care, and support made him uncomfortable, and he relied heavily on himself. These coping mechanisms kept him from building meaningful connections with others.
The process was slow and gradual, but with each session, Ahaan better understood himself. One of the critical turning points in his therapy was when Ms Nidhi suggested he reconnect with his body through physical activities.
Ahaan took up cycling and swimming, which helped him ground himself and rebuild a connection between his mind and body.
“For the first time in years, I started feeling alive again. I began to eat better and sleep better. Gradually, I realised that I was no longer just surviving. I was beginning to live!”
When asked about his journey, Ahaan expresses deep gratitude for Ms Nidhi.
“She was incredibly patient with me. It wasn’t easy for me to talk about my feelings, but she listened. She helped me put together the fragments of myself that I didn’t understand. I owe her so much.”
In terms of feeling better mentally and emotionally, Ahaan rates himself a solid 4, which is a stepping stone towards a golden 5 in the future. He envisions improvement as better understanding yourself and your emotions.
We at YourDOST are in awe of this young man who fought through his life and emerged a warrior today! We wish him the best in all his future endeavours!
Ahaan’s Warrior Tips:
1.“Counselling is not just about seeking help; it’s about understanding yourself. It’s about the relationship you build with your therapist, which allows you to bring forth your scars and struggles, trace their roots, and work through them.”
2.“Don’t think you’re weak because you need therapy. You’re brave because you’re choosing to fight for your well-being.”
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
