“To give somebody your time is the biggest gift you can give.” — Franka Potente
As humans we’ve come a long way, and how we associate meanings and connections to people. The world has transitioned to redefining relationships and marriages. No matter how much change life puts you through, certain things remain the same, and no matter what our definition or construct of marriage is at the end of the day, it is all about mutual respect and trust.
Here is the story of our fearless Swarna (name changed), a 45-year-old Associate Professor. She hails from Uttar Pradesh and has lived there for almost 25 years now, as a child, she grew up in a big family as the eldest daughter. She is married to her husband, whom she met in her early adulthood, has two angel-like children and is in a nuclear family.
She is a voracious reader and also spends time listening to old music. She grew up in Dehradun and expressed that it was great growing up with both of her siblings.
Swarna was looking forward to living the life she dreamt of with her partner and they got married and everything went smoothly. She decided to take a sabbatical from work to nurture her children and is very proud of the blod yet hard decision she made. As time passed, seeing her children grow into responsible adults, she was happy with her decision.
However, parenting isn’t something everybody can crack and is a life-long learning experience. In her case, it was no different. She felt this void develop in herself and got pushed into loneliness, boredom and fatigue.
“I was looking for a let out and it was around this time I felt speaking to somebody would help.”
She expressed that she was speaking to another counselor and while in conversation she questioned Swarna about what is she doing for herself. It allowed her the time to think her position through and work towards finding her areas of interest once again.
She described that she found out that her organisation provides counseling services as they had a subscription with YourDOST as their official emotional wellness partner, and decided to use the opportunity to work on herself.
Just like how to grow a plant just planting the seeds wouldn’t do the job, watering the plants, and providing them with sunlight and sufficient nutrition matters equally. Swarna realised that parenting requires patience and purpose and she came to YourDOST to actively work towards it.
She booked her session with her counselor Ms Seema Seth, and had the opportunity to express her feelings and thoughts freely.
On speaking to another counselor she questioned Swarna about what is she doing for herself.
It was around this time Swarna decided to get back to her career. She started socialising which did not necessarily settle well in her marriage life.
Things between her and her husband slowly started to deteriorate and this left her feeling like she was not moving forward in life. It was around this time, that she also began meeting colleagues/friends post work and spending time with them. This created friction between them which later blew out of proportion, where there would be arguments and words of anger were exchanged between them resulting in hurt.
Ms. Seema Seth, her counselor, emerged as the steadfast lighthouse amidst the stormy seas of emotional turmoil. The gentle reassurance of a listening ear became the soothing balm that nestled within the fractured shores of Swarna’s spirit.
“I noticed how I had trouble aligning my thoughts, and my anger increased, especially with my children, and husband causing disharmony in the family.”
Through the gentle whispers of self-introspection and the sacred alchemy of busy engagement, Swarna unravelled the enigma of her emotions, peeling back the layers of anger to reveal the tender core of her being.
“I was torn apart, and it was super difficult to get over. Seema’s sessions helped me understand that I have to be more confident and prioritize myself over everything.”
Swarna articulated that there were issues that started developing at home, she tried to make her husband understand that she wanted a certain part of her life to be left that way. Her husband was an introvert and somehow somewhere this started affecting Swarna and having an impact on her.
“I still tried to make sure I never gave up on my responsibilities, I pushed myself harder every day and told myself that I was done being treated like a doormat.”
She and her husband have understood that they are still parents and are ensuring to do their part. After being married for almost 20 years, now they have understood what works and does not work and have decided to work together mutually for the better of the family and especially their children.
“I am fortunate to have found the focus that I lost especially because it started affecting my mental health. I am working on myself, doing things I enjoy and working towards, becoming the best version of a mother I can and focusing on my career.”
The gentle caress of personal empowerment that Ms Seema provided her with breathed life into the vestiges of her resilience and Swarna has been doing well ever since then.
Her counselor suggested techniques such as self-introspection, looking for reasons why she is feeling a particular emotion identifying/dissecting the root cause, and looking for ways to keep herself busy.
“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” — Pearl S. Buck
Swarna narrated that counseling has made her a better person undoubtedly and she has become more vocal towards things and is not always reactive to events/changes.
“I have become happier than before and I was not quite sure that this would be possible a few months, but here I am because of Ms. Seema doing what I am doing and progressing with each day that comes.”
The metamorphosis of Swarna’s story unfurled like the delicate petals of a budding flower, blossoming into a radiant bloom of positivity and inner harmony.
Swarna’s odyssey towards self-redemption bore the fruits of her labour, cultivating the blossoms of a more fulfilled motherhood and a reinvigorated career trajectory, and helping her access the goodness of self-discovery and empowerment.
We are equally proud of her journey and wish her all the best with her future.
Swarna’s Warrior Tips:
1.“Your vulnerability should not become a weapon for others to use you.”
2.“Give therapy a chance and you will be doing yourself a big favour once you enter the embrace of self-care and self-love.”
