It takes 21 days to form a new habit and certainly more to form an addiction. When the habit becomes destructive and damaging, it becomes an addiction. It pulls more in its quicksand and is much harder to come out without help. Sundar Raja had a similar experience.
Sundar Raja hails from Andhra Pradesh, pursuing a master’s currently. He is a motorbike enthusiast who loves fixing and restoring them. He has a keen interest in watching documentaries and learning from them.
Sundar sharing about his family says he’s much closer to his dad and has a good relationship with him. His father is a businessman, whereas his mother is a homemaker with two younger sisters. He stays away from his family for further studies. He shares a special rapport with his younger sisters.
When the elders who guide us and shape us while growing up don’t act accordingly, it becomes a hitch. Since his childhood, his parents were busy with their business to look after. He has lived with his grandparents.
Our childhood shapes up in the presence of our parents and the values that they imbibe in us. His fundamental growing years were distinct due to many reasons. His relationship with his parents was not good initially.
Reports suggests that around 71% of people sleep next to their mobile phones and around 25% of the internet query are related to porn and explicit content. Sundar was also stuck in a loop of this never-ending cycle. Initially, it was just an escape but soon it turned into an addiction which was hard to resist for him.
It started when he developed an unhealthy coping mechanism for his problems in his teen years. These mechanisms further developed as he grew older. It reached a point where it was just too much to handle.
Sundar mentions that he indulged himself in it so much that he eventually started to skip classes and meals. He reached a point when porn didn’t help and he started to exchange inappropriate messages with strangers.
Sleepless nights for more than a year troubled him. Severe anxiety hit him, he would pee after every half an hour depending on his anxiety levels. Outdoor activities got difficult for him, and the experience of watching a movie in a theatre was ruined for him.
It was quite frustrating for Sundar. He felt like hiding from everything in this noise. The thoughts were persistent and the cycle repeated endlessly.
Sundar felt the dire need for counseling and thus took the first step towards betterment and connected to YourDOST. Since then he has started his journey to become a better version of himself. Ms Madhura Saha was her counselor. It was difficult for him to open up at first, but she helped him through.
She made him understand that porn was not the enemy here neither was he. It was just a tool for an escape mechanism as and when the circumstances changed.
In the initial stages, she started by recommending techniques like running, gymming and meditating, but they were of no help. Even after working out, his vicious cycle would continue in a loop.
Madhura had to dig deeper to understand the cause and they are still working together to get better and improve every single day.
The path of recovery may be long for Sundar but his will is enough to make it through. He is still working on his unhealthy coping mechanism and addiction to porn. He has improved his thought process regarding women.
His relationship with his parents has improved and he is still putting efforts to make it right.
“My perspective towards people has changed and I have understood not to judge them for their actions.”
He rates himself 3 out of 5. He is still on the path to recovery and has understood the hindrance that he is facing right now. He believes that he will become a better version of himself defying all odds.
Sundar’s Warrior Tips:
1.”Rather than beating yourself up about your addiction, just acknowledge that you have an addiction and take it slowly. You won’t see changes in a day or two.”
2.“Absolute restraint on addiction won’t show any results; it will take some time, be patient.”