“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside”
-Wayne Dyer
Khan, 20, who is a third year BTech student, is nothing short of an inspiration. He talked to us about something that is a huge taboo in our society – pornography.
Khan found himself browsing pronographic sites on the internet at a very early age. He was merely 12 when he was exposed to it and by the age of 14, he was fully addicted.
“Watching porn was something that I did every chance I got. All it takes is motive, opportunity, and access.”
Too much of anything can be detrimental for you. At the time, he was completely unaware how porn was affecting him.
“My attitude towards women was changing in a very negative way and I did not like where my brain would take me. This invariably affected my interaction with the opposite gender.”
Given his excessive exposure to pornographic content Khan started to view women as sexual objects. Khan also felt that he was living two different lives. The experience was isolating for him as he could feel himself turn more and more towards porn and away from actual people. He was also tucking away his addiction into another part of his brain.
“It was like I was a completely different person in front of people and could see myself change when I was alone. I had this huge secret that I could not share with anyone, this deeply affected my relationships with my loved ones.”
He would get these sudden urges and always give into them, he could feel himself losing control. While Khan’s addiction did not have a huge affect on his academics, his critical thinking abilities did take a hit. In addition to all of this, there was a mountain of guilt.
“With my usage spiralling out of control, it hijacked my self-image and self-esteem. I believed that what I was doing was wrong but at the same time, I felt trapped in a never-ending cycle of addiction.”
Khan would constantly question the kind of person he had become and hated himself for it. He tried to quit at the age of 18 but suffered a relapse over a year later. This is when he realised he could not get out of this situation alone, he needed help. Hence, he reached out to YourDOST and got connected to Mr. Naveen Kumar.
Khan always harboured very positive views towards therapy. He knew that he could not share his experiences with his parents, siblings or even friends. Therapy provided him with that safe space where he could vent without being judged for it.
Furthermore, Khan could not have asked for a better confidante.
“Naveen was very calm and a very good listener. Instead of bombarding me with solutions, he would actually sit and listen to me for the most part and we would then spend the last 10 mins on coming up with solutions together. He had a very collaborative approach.”
Naveen made him realise that the first step toward healing is often realizing that misuse of pornography is not a source of shame, but a widely shared condition. This helped Khan fight the guilt and shame.
Naveen also helped him with certain techniques like regular breathing exercises which aided him in controlling his urges. Most importantly, they tried to get to the root cause of the condition.
“We tried to figure out the time at which these urges were the strongest and worked together in order to keep my phone away during those times.”
Therapy has been a long process for Khan and while he is still getting better, he has renewed hope now.
“I know that I will be just fine. This journey has made me a better person and I am learning to forgive myself. I am trying to be more optimistic and looking forward to living my life to its fullest.”
Khan, who is now a major mental health advocate, wants everyone to give therapy a shot.
“One of the things your therapist will do with you is help you become more healthy and more connected. You will learn to live, to love, and to work on yourself.”
Are you someone who has gone through a difficult phase and emerged stronger and better, with some professional help? Share your story with us to encourage thousands of others who might be struggling. Click here to submit your story.
Khan’s Warrior Tips:
1. Addictions can be overcome with some help
2. A good therapist listens, doesn’t judge, and doesn’t bombard you with solutions
3. Your health is of the highest priority
