I was scared of facing people because I didn’t know what I was going through. You played an important role in making me a warrior. When I could see things which were only in my mind, you laughed at me. You mocked my condition without ever taking me seriously. I am not complaining, but you should know. There are many people suffering from something similar but they try to keep it under the wraps. I want to help them and myself.
I was a joyful child like many others. I was 11 when it first happened. I spoke to my friend about the things I could see but she couldn’t. I felt it was my supernatural power.
Only when I shared it with my teachers did I realise that such powers could make you feel sad. Suddenly I was made to sit in a corner. Other kids were advised to stay away from me. Rumours were spread that I was possessed by a ghost.
The sudden isolation & loneliness led to stress and a feeling of nothingness. I was scared of facing people and stopped going to school. My parents were worried about my behaviour.
I couldn’t explain what I was going through because they also felt I was possessed by a ghost.
I was forced to be a part of all the black magic rituals. None of this helped me but led me deeper into an imaginary well. I bottled up my emotions and stayed away from people. Anxiety took a toll on me and slowly I started getting more and more paranoid.
While my behaviour was considered abnormal, nobody had an inkling of the fact that I was scared too. I didn’t understand what was happening. Years later, tired of being worried, my parents secretly chose to try taking me to a doctor. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. I got psychiatric help along with counseling.
My family took some time to understand my condition. I was unaware of what it meant. I always wanted to believe that I had a supernatural power. I wanted to feel I was omnipotent and people envied me for it. My bubble of imagination was burst when I got a term like “Schizophrenia” attached to me. I was defined by it. It became important to tell people about my condition.
I am 23 now and I still have to explain to people what Schizophrenia means. Most people consider me mad, but I want to tell you all that I’m okay with it. I live a life like many others but I have a difficulty. I can handle this all but I wish you were more helpful.
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