Okay, so here this goes. Hi all. I’m Stella. 22 years old, living in a city of over 3 million people. I wouldn’t call myself shy, but when it comes to relationships, I can admit that I’m very insecure about my body and looks. I met a guy, 28 years old, online over a web forum and he lives in another continent. Our phone calls have been fun, but I don’t know what it is but every other week I just feel this strong urge to retreat from his attention. He’s great at giving me space when I need to do work and he sends me very sweet messages and tells me he misses me. But, perhaps it’s an age gap, I feel like after all the texting (which I admit I like and encourage), takes up so much of my time that I feel like I’m stuck to my phone. Waiting for him to text each time. I like his attention and comforting words, but at the same time, I feel like I’m suffocating underneath it all. It may be dramatic, but he’s a nice guy and although I’m not that attracted to him physically he has proven to be good, smart, and hardworking. Just doesn’t take care of himself as he should. I think he likes me more than I like him. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. He said he travels to my part of the world often and will be here in a month. I was excited but now, less than a week since our last fight, I can’t help but feel the need to pull away. He had a bad day and I couldn’t talk to him even though I said I could and I know even though he doesn’t say it, he was disappointed. He waited until 2 AM his time to talk to me and in the end, we fought because I was angry at myself, uncomfortable with his attention, being relied on so much by someone, etc. He asked if we were breaking up (this is the 3rd fight in 1 month we’ve known each other) and I told him we weren’t together. We were friends. Which is true, but I wasn’t ending it.
Long story short, I don’t know why I feel the need to pull away each time after a week or so. I don’t know if it’s because I know we don’t have a future since he’s half a world away or that I don’t want to be doing a long distance relationship. I don’t know if I used his looks like an excuse not to give him a chance. I don’t know. If this is another melodramatic girl asking for relationship advice, then please just hit me with the hard truth. I don’t know what to do.