I am a male and fell in love with a female colleague 10 years ago. We were good friends and like support system for each other. She was practical and ambitious. We both were marriageable age and I had no choice but to ask her if she was interested in marrying me. She handled it very well and rejected my proposal without hurting me. She told me that I was a simple/innocent guy and the world we live in is bad and it's good that you told me your feelings. She mentioned that she was a Brahmin and inter-caste marriage is an issue in her family. She would do arranged marriage and would make the adjustment.
I felt a bit awkward on rejection but I thought I won't regret that I had never proposed.
Later, after few months, she got engaged and she came to meet me to give me the news. She told that she got engaged to her boyfriend (a Punjabi) who is an Electrical Engineer whom she met on Facebook. She quoted her fiancee's salary (higher than mine) and that he has his own house, lives alone without parents, has higher designation and is not in IT industry. She said that If I marry someone in IT Industry and IT industry goes bust, both married partners will come on road. Electricity will always in demand.
I was sad because I always knew she was interested in me but in choosing a partner she was practical and looked at self-interest. The friendship ended in a positive note and we both moved to different companies. She tried to contact me to know my whereabouts few years later but then after that we never maintained contact.
However, that incident had a lasting impact on my mind and I started looking Marriage as something based on practicality and survival instincts and lesser on "feelings and love".
My friend is well settled with 2 kids now while I never married.
I feel afraid of getting emotionally involved with someone and getting into marriage. I witnessed several divorces in my family (all arranged marriages) including my real sister. Nature of my job (IT/Software) is also based on project availability and industry demand which make me doubt if I can raise a family because it would need long time financial in-flow. I am not a high-flyer but not bad either. Also I am not very ambitious and have no big personal needs. But I guess I am more emotional and less practical.
Can someone wise help me understand the situation and tell whether my fears are genuine.