I had my younger sister married to a seemingly nice family , far from our home state, because we felt that family is good and boy is also very decent and in a good job. We let her talk to him for months before finalising the marriage it was in 2018. our only concern was guys joint family to which boy's father responded that they will continue living their life in Hyderabad only. After an year and a half of marriage, boy lost his job, my sister got pregnant, and between this period they had these constant disagreements which then turned into major verbal fights, resulting in family involvement multiple times.
That guy has no vices , he is not physically abusive, neither is his family, only disagreements due to their extremely orthodox culture, and my sister is not very liberal, she is from this middle tier town but she doesn't goes down with disrespect very well, which it seems that her mother in law and father in law think that it's their right to insult "bahu" to keep her in line from time to time.
Although she adjusted at first but then this behaviour propagated down to in-laws where she drew the line.
We always taught her to stood up for herself, now at this juncture of life, when she is pregnant, underweight and unsupported by in-laws, her husband is emotionally torturing her, blaming her for all the fights, picking out things he said she said, or someone said, weaving into argument, blaming us for corrupting her mind, blaming our uncles and aunts for black magic and shit.
Not a day is passed when she hadn't cried to sleep, she blames me for her fucked up life, and he (my brother in law) blames her for his. She wanted to work but he placed hurdles in a way that she couldn't , we suspect that he wanted to live with is family so he deliberately quit his job.
His father has turned on all promises he made about separate living, he also denied having received all the things he asked for which we gave, now this seemingly nice family has turned out to be a regular Indian family with dual face, that are shown on tv.
Now we are fucked , I mean royally , my financial situation has also deteriorated after demonetisation and my business has shut down, this Lock-down is last nail in coffin of my business.
My sister has a great self esteem but she is now broken, she didn't wanted to plan the child until their financials are up to it, but this accidental pregnancy has put her in a bind so messed up that she couldn't imagine her life without him as a single mother. She is scared, betrayed, lost and her situation is breaking me up internally too. I can't talk to the guy because it seems as much as families get involved the whole narrative of situation changes, it becomes who is more right ? and presumptuously he (brother in law) has already chosen a winner, that is his family and himself.
Now I understand his point of view, he doesn't want to leave his family, he is also financially dependent on them for now, things are not good with my sister so there is no incentive for reconciliation other than his baby, also orthodox feudalistic upbringing doesn't helps either.
I tried talking to brother in law but he still pins everything on my sister, as if she is suppose to take insults because she is his wife, (or do baate kisi ne bol di to kya hua ?) , and apparently everything is her fault, if they don't find anything then they make up shit, once she was just sitting and mother in law got to her face started spilling insults about my mother , like wtf ? sister was about to react but brother in law intervene and apparently whole thing becomes misunderstanding, not a deliberate attempt to insult and traumatise my sister, but if my sister raises some valid points , like how tf you are going to raise your children without money ? suddenly she is responsible for upcoming fight, regardless of how it starts, she is the "Nehru" to their "BJP".
SHE CAN'T AND SHOULD NOT LIVE IN A JOINT FAMILY.
SHE MUST HAVE A JOB, Because of all we have seen, she must stand on her feet.
did I ruined my sister's life ?
where do we go from here ?
How to fix this mess ?
I am open to suggestions, including religious ones, though I am not very religious myself but I would sell my soul to fix her life.