i dont know how to start and where to start.
there are may spelling errors , i thought i will proof read it again after writing this but i am soo done with just writing it soo...
i am lazy i guess, becoz thats what i have heard from my childhood so i do believe that and i guess i did become someone like that.
i dont like doing anything like nothing , ask me to stare at the walll i can do it for hours but any work no way thats npt possiable.
maybe i have axity, depression, or whatnot i want to go to professional but it obious what they are gonna sya so its waste i guse
no i dont k\think its just that i dont have time and i dont have an excuse to go out and there is no way that i will say them abt going to doctor and go,
nor i want to go in the time i send with my friends coz that is also rare but that is the only time and the only excuse tha ti can give
wheni aask them i wont to go out they jus task question an di know that the are basic that i need to ans but i jus thope that the questions were not asked which is like 0% of happening
i was never good at studies maybe a avg student and from the time i cam remmeber i have always lied to my parents abt them, like even if i get very badly i used to say i wrote it very will , and i guess now they can understand it, but i dont get it if they do or not or whatever
now my education, i went to a clg throung managment quota (it was damn high), in some other city, hostel, i had all the freedom that i never had , whuch i dont use it as i was alway sit in my room sleepin or just my moblie, neither i went to clg or studied , had 4 backs in 1st and all the subjects in 2nd sem, with that had an year back, need to repeat the same sem , thought i can do iit agian the same routien as the 1st year and as usal the result was also same , the only difference was i was monitored they used to check my question paper did i attend the paper , how did i wite , and my ans was alwasy the same i worte good and the marks were of single , and i do know my mistake how do i expect marks when i dont even touvh my books not even before mmy exams , the same happened .
i want ot be independent so that i dont need to see them , and for that i need to study but i dont know what goes in my head even after knoowing how imp it is to me i just dont its just
maybe the though of me going way is more
but if that was the cas i sholud i be gone by now
and now i am back with them staying with them and its hell damn i dont know thu=is feeling , they are awsome but just not for me , may be if i had studed better they would be better with me donno whatever.
and agian the same engineering but with diff course , i had my mid xams and i got like single digits but to them i said them all were in double , i know someday they wiil know but i just feel like for now its better they dont know,
i dont have to strength to die or i want to live but i know that i will not die so soon so i need to live ahh irritating
those ppl who ever awesome and way better the we went 1st then y waas it not me in there place the