Hi, I am a South Indian girl. I always believed in "beauty within". I never cared about my looks and others comments on my looks until my crush rejected me saying I am dark, short and fat. (Crush is a very light word, I seriously loved him so much, though he did not reciprocate) He was a friend of mine and used to tell these so often that they got etched onto my mind ( though I used to laugh off the matter whenever he told that). Once, I was even told that had I been fair, he would have married me as he really likes my character. Ever since then, I have been constantly reminded of the same thing, and I always feel I do not look good. A few of my other male friends have told that I look cute and all, but somehow, it has not helped me regain my confidence. No guy has ever proposed me, and that makes me believe more that I probably look really bad, or rather, my skin color and the chubbiness is really ugly. (I am not fat (health check-ups are all fine), but I do have fat thighs and upper arms - guys hate them I guess-- I do not know ).
Now, the actual problem is here. I have agreed for the arranged marriage set up. But, I am really scared to meet the 'prospective groom'. What if he rejects and tells the same thing as others? That I am dark but otherwise cute? There have been several proposals from online sites, and I feel like rejecting pretty much most of the average and good looking guys as I am really scared of the same thing repeating.
Now, I am supposed to be meeting a person soon. My first time. I have not even spoken to that person. He is quite average looking, according to societal standards and parents view (not too tall, chubby but not fat, wheatish complexion), I find him really handsome. When I have to meet him, I want to be confident and be myself just like how I am with my friends, where I need not care about trying to impress, but I constantly fear that he will anyways reject me saying I am dark and fat for a girl. This makes me upset and I feel like, what is the whole point in even meeting him? Even if I talk, as I am usually quite shy and find it difficult to initiate conversations with strangers, there is very less chance of him liking me in those 5 - 10 minutes maybe. And even if he likes my talks, if he too rejects me saying I do not look good, I think my left-over confidence too will just die. I am really scared and worried that I find it really difficult to even think of being confident about that ' the day'. Please help !!!!!
Sorry for the long post. I think it is necessary to give details about my past experience