Thank you for writing on this platform. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to talk about it. I can understand how losing a parent can affect your life. It is understandable to feel anxiety and experience breakdowns due to the heavy loss that you have suffered.
As you mentioned that you saw your father's health deteriorate over time, you can think of it as an end to his suffering and he is now finally in a place where he is free of all his sufferings and is peaceful.
What you are experiencing right now is called grief and a person has to go through it and accept the reality, in order to move forward with their lives. It will keep affecting all aspects of your life till you accept it and come to terms with it.
Remember all the good times that you had with your father. Remember the happy and fun memories. Remember everything he wanted you to do with your life. Your father might not physically be with you right now, but he will always be there with you in spirit and as your strength.
I would suggest that you com to the platform and have a chat with one of our experts who have expertise in grief and related issues. I believe we can help you better that way.
Shraddha Durg (Expert).