I hear the number of feelings you have shared, Rikki1234....... you seem to feel frustrated, unsupported, controlled, trapped, and silenced.............
I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you to have an uncomfortable environment at home. I believe you must be making various attempts to voice your needs and feelings, assert your stand, communicate your boundaries, build a connection with your parents and brother and hold on amidst the distress.
It can be rather disturbing when our family and most intimate relationships are quite far from the ideal or desired picture that we may have in mind.
If it helps, I invite you to consider the perspective, that family systems lie on a continuum, rather than being all good or bad. The continuum is such - with perfectly healthy families on one extreme end, and completely unhealthy families on the other extreme end. And like with the idea of a continuum, there is no real 'end', it extends to infinity and the extreme ends are unreal/nonexistent. What do exist, are families along the continuum..... each of our families lies somewhere on the continuum of healthiness and unhealthiness..... having components of both...... and what we could do, is to try and move, as much as we can, further towards the healthier side..
The reason I mention this is, Rikki1234, I hear your distress about how you feel in your family at this point. That is not to deny at all. At the same time, it might help to look at your family as a whole, with all the elements that make it what it is - unhealthy, as well as healthy elements - there must be both elements. The kind of understanding and perspectives you seem to have, about boundaries, the need to connect, support, etc, could also be evidence that roots of these exist in your family and could be enhanced. (Again, you know better about your family...)
For a start, you could look at the following things in your family, in terms of how it is working right now and how it could be better for you:-
- Boundaries - the extent to which there is personal space. For yourself, are you able to communicate your needs and stand up for them despite resistance? If not, what might you need to do to get there, for yourself.
- Differentiation - the extent to which you as an individual have can have feelings and thoughts separate from what the family as a whole might be feeling or thinking in a moment. You as an individual, being healthily separate from the family (a middle ground between being fused and detached). What might you need to do to allow yourself to have your own individual perspective of things and stand by them respectfully yet firmly.
- Connection - practices or rituals that enhance bonding. Sometime unhealthy patterns may become so infused that it could help to introduce even mini rituals of bonding, such as having meals together, or morning tea together, playing a board game together or going for a weekend movie, or a mini prayer, etc. This depends on the particular family. What are some ways in which you could try and connect individually with each member and as a family? For you individually, it could help to identify the barriers you face in accepting the unsatisfactory behavior from others and still trying to connect with them.
Again, when I say the above, I do not mean that it is entirely on you to 'transform your family' or anything. What I mean is, to clarify, that your family, does seem to have elements that are hurting you, yes, at the same time, your family, is probably, "not all bad".
Seeing what is working for you within this system could begin as a motivator?
Hope this helps. You could also connect with an expert for regular sessions to discuss your experiences in detail.