I was in a relationship for 8months , even before that I knew that person for a year . this love developed gradually for me but while it was developing i used to get frequent anxiety , jitters in belly whenever i used to see that person or think about . But we got together and i thought all this will go away , but no it became worse . After a month of beginning of our relationship , i somehow developed a fear of losing that person, let me tell we are in those lgbtq community. This fear of losing grew stronger and so strong that i started having anxiety attacks whenever i thought i dissappointed that person . it was and was'nt so everytime but only one thought used to come into my mind that if i dont get my shit together we are going to fall off . I was walking on egg shells. Started seeing psychiatrist as my condition worsened over time . The severity of those physiological symptoms were controlled but gradually i developed depression thinking of me not being good enough for that person . I was hell too scared to be me as i most of the time got criticised and being told i have peter pan syndrome( i googled it later ) . days and months went by , watched thousands of spiritual , motivational videos to change my outlook to change my behaviour, thought patterns in order save my relationship . During those i somehow got comfortable being like that, got cozy being in that and went more deep into those attachments which i refer to as love . I was way more selfless , more to harmful level . BUT SOMEHOW THERE WAS ALWAYS A HUNCH WHICH I TRIED TO IGNORE IT IS NOT WORKING , BECAUSE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT WOULD GIVE ME ANXIETY ATTACKS . now we are over for nearly 2 months and i still get anxiety attacks whenever i see her . i thought i was moving on slowly but somehow i fall back everytime .
I GOT DUMPED AND THIS IS THE SECOND TIME . I LOVED EACH ONE OF THEM WHOLE HEARTEDLY BUT . I AM SOMEHOW LOSING FAITH IN COMMITMENTS AND LOVE AND STARTED DEVELOPING SOME KIND OF HATRED .
I need some serious advice/help/suggestion/ . I would be grateful . thank you .