We both know each other through a mutual group of friends.
I met him on a get together with this group. We started talking to each other post this get together and fell for each other.
The twist here is that he stays in another country due to work. So he comes to meet us once or twice in years. After we've been in touch, I always relate that group to him, I feel I met him because I knew that group, I feel I owe them one, I relate to them because I have him now.
So whenever we are together, its but obvious that he is missed like anything. I personally feel I miss him every second every moment while I'm with these people. But yes, they don't know it yet that we both are together and all for a while now.
Last get together, the post we were all drunk, I was seated in seclusion far from the site we were hanging around. One of the friends came in to know if I'm ok. I was too drunk to handle whatever was happening. I have no idea why did we had that moment between us but we kissed each other. Just after that we went back to friends and deleted this moment from our head. No conversation regarding this, nothing more or less than this. Just that one moment that's it.
I just have nothing to justify what I did. I know its lame to even ask for help because I did it myself without any influence or force.
But since this event actually happened, I am anxious to another level. I am not able to accept the fact I cheated on him, drunk, with our mutual friend, knowing that I love him, and he loves me to the moon n back. I am desperate to tell him and confess whatever happened but I cannot afford to spoil all this.
First, my relationship with him will be spoiled forever. But that is justified for the act I did I assume.
Secondly, my association with the group will be destroyed. My reputation, friends, connections, I'll lose everything
Third, He may have to lose the group n the people too, or maybe not, I don't know.
BUT, if I don't tell him all this, I am honestly not able to breathe through.
I cannot afford to do either.