I understand this is a difficult phase in your life; getting over a loved one is not that easy and requires time. From your post I could make out that, you were sad or as you say, depressed, even when you were in this relationship. When was the last time that you felt you were happy? It surely was not while you guys were in this relation as you mentioned, there were moments of breakdown in front of your boyfriend. So was it before the relation or during the initial phase of the relationship? A relationship changes its course like a river does. We expect that our relationships with our partners will remain the same as it is during the initial days. We fail to realize that gradually with time, our relation changes, it also grows , just like we do! Many partners fail to accept this reality, they want things to be just the way, during the time they met and fell in love. When their expectations do not meet reality, distress, complains, fights start taking place ultimately ending the relationship.
Now, you realize that your boyfriend wants nothing more to do with you. I understand that it may be painful for you to acknowledge this truth.So, if he does not want you, does not desire you, is there a point in holding on? He may be the first man you ever loved but he FAILED to remain the ONLY one. A relation is a team work, not a one man's show. You cannot take this baggage of a failed relation with you all the time so you will need to let go of this baggage. Now, you must realize that this is not going to happen in a few days, or weeks or so. You will need some time, so allow yourself that time. What I have told you might help you take lesser time if you just ponder over it..
If you want to talk about this at length, please feel free to connect with me or any other expert on chat. We will be glad to help you.
Hope you feel better soon.