Thank you for sharing this with us, i can see that you are someone who does not open up with people easily and it must have been very difficult for you to come share this here with us. I really appreciate the efforts you have made. Looks like lot of things are going in your life right now and you are not comfortable sharing, that must be one reason you feel hopeless as well, try and share more on how and when you started to feel this way and we can talk more on it.
We are all here to hear you out and also will try our best to help you.
Hope to hear from you soon