So I have already been going through a lot over the past few months. I have been falling in depression and anxiety on and off. From getting stressed about my work, life, career, finance to falling for my best friend's boyfriend and experiencing terrible anxiety i have had it all.
And to add up more just few days back i lost my Maternal grandfather the Man of absolute love, unexpectedly.
I always visit my maternal grandparents and family every summer vacation. And so did it happened this year too. we have had trip to their house for a week and then i was back to my normal routine. i always love visiting them as we all gather as one big family and those 6-7 days are absolutely stress free and full of happiness and togetherness. it makes me forget all my problems that i had or experienced here back home.
I did not feel good when i returned back to work as i kept missing those 7 days and family of course( P.S i love my family more than anything).
I was back to my depression mode thinking about my best friends boyfriend how i was messing up with my own thoughts as i was in love with him. Though things became little smooth as all we friends got busy with our friends wedding preparation and then soon in 10 days i travelled for my colleagues wedding where again we all had so much fun and memories that it made me forget all the problems that i was dealing with.
Honestly i did not feel like coming back home. Though i don't mean in real sense, i felt i need to travel to more new places as i saw i was more happy and it slowly faded away my anxiety issue related to my best friend's boyfriend.
( for all those who haven't read my previous post i have been going through rough times related to being super emotional and restless. I have fallen for my best friends boyfriend, who is also my best friend and ever since then it has become difficult for me to come out of the trauma that im going through.)
But we have to be back to reality. And just the Morning i was back home from a beautiful trip and wedding that same evening my grandfather passed away. I was numbed and scattered.soon i was with my family to see him for the last time and for his last rites and rituals.
I realised that week was exhausting. As we were still mourning his loss. So I decided to extend my trip to my grandfather's house as i thought his would be good for me, staying with my family and with my grandma is the need of the hour. And im glad i did that as my parents had to leave for bombay, so i stayed back.
In this past few days After he passed away i was in my own world and i did not talk much to my friends.
My friends did msg me and kept a check on me, as even they understood that i was disturbed.
And now after 2 weeks im back home. Though my grandfather is no more with us he made me realized one thing, that family is something who will never leave your side. They will be with you no matter what.
They are the important pillar to your life. And im glad and grateful to god for giving me them.
My only problem that i don't see solved is my anxiety issue. im trying to focus on my career and work as im getting new opportunities. I'm Keeping myself busy. But thinking about my bestfriend and her boyfriend it all messes up again. The insecurity that runs through me for him is horrible. i feel trapped and want to get out of this.
I'm planning to share about my feeling to one of my friend who is also our common friend. she knows all the three of us in and out. And im hoping talking to her will help me in dealing with whatever im going through.
I don't know how really it will help but atleast i feel light sharing with her whatever i have been going through. As she keeps guessing it and asks me to share my problems. But i have been keeping quite for a long time now. I don't know how will she react to the fact that i love him as she is completely clueless.
I hope soon my anxiety will lessen and i will be back to normal.