I just read your post. It was heart moving. I acknowledge the confusion and maybe helplessness that you are going through. It must not be easy to go through so much distress, which seems to be getting compounded by your observation of a repetitive pattern replaying from past to present, and that is, difficulty to trust. I would like to give a lot of credit to you for identifying this pattern in you, looking inwards and seeking help. This is a very important step as it shows your desire and motivation to help yourself and the relationship with hope.
I see you relating to past experience of seeking help where it seemed to have helped you heal. As rightly mentioned by you, healing is very important as it helps the person move forward. Healing can involve grieving over so many losses in the relationship. Now, healing at times is also about identifying some dysfunctional patterns in oneself, their origin, how they may be impacting the relationship and how to let go. Getting an awareness of these patterns helps one recognise their role or contribution to the difficult aspects in a relationship. It is possible that both partners may be coming from their own dysfunctional patterns in a relationship, but remember it is you who can change yourself not the other person. But I can assure you a change in you will have a ripple effect on the other person and the relationship. So, it is worth the try!
Having said this, this healing is a process, takes time, doesn't come with prescriptive steps. This road to recovery is therapeutic, a way to forgive one's own ignorance, learning to love and value ourselves all over again. This process may require professional help.
In the meanwhile, enjoy the aspects of relationship that are giving you happiness. Keep the communication doors open, expressing and listening to your needs, feelings in a assertive way. Take care of yourself in all other ways, keeping in mind that you are on the path of recovery and healing of a small part in you. It may take sometime, till then let me hold myself.
Hope this helps to get some direction.
Wishing you the very best!
Seema, a well wisher:heart_eyes: