Hello I’ve read through everything you’ve wrote and I only respond with what I feel you need to hear.
You sound like your heart is in the right place however the way you’ve dealt with the whole situation is questionable. I’ve been in situations rather recently within the last year where I’ve reacted in the wrong way but sometimes we need to make mistakes so we can learn from them so here’s how I’m going to help you ;
In a relationship there will always be conflict and conflict isn’t always a bad thing it’s healthy for a relationship but only in moderation, however when you find yourself disagreeing with your partner the most important thing to do is to listen, listening alone can help achieve a lot more than two people shouting at each other so take time to listen and when you do listen put yourself in her shoes, if she doesn’t like something you do or it upsets her you need to be man enough to realise she’s right and that you need to stop. So my first point is listen more, good gave us two ears and one mouth which means we should listen more than we talk.
My second piece of advice is respect personal space. It’s hard to allow someone we love to have space if it means not communicating with them, I’ve been guilty of it myself it’s a killer, you think you’ll be doing the right thing by contacting the person and sending messages all the time but it only adds fuel to the fire. Allowing time away from each other isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it allows both parties to focus on themselves and better themselves, then once you’ve sorted your own personal issues you can both come back together as better versions of yourselves making the task of making the relationship work that bit easier but if you’re trying to make it work when both of you are in conflict with it only each other but yourselves nothing will ever work. So my second bit of advice to you is to understand the important of space / time out.
My third advice is communication. One thing that I’ve realised in my current relationship is that good communication is the back bone to any relationship, don’t get communication and listening mixed up. You said there was times you and your partner would argue whether it was on the phone or via text one thing is important and that’s the way you talk to each other. People don’t realise the importance of TALKING an issue through not via text but on the phone or in person, and this is because many things can get misinterpreted via text you may be saying one thing but because of the nature of the conversation for example an argument you may say something but your partner may interpret it in a negative way and then things will get out of hand so it’s important that whenever you find you and your partner are in disagreement or have an issue to talk about it on the phone straight away as well, that way no misunderstandings can be made and each can explain their point properly.
My next advice is that you try to learn self control and I’m not saying this in a negative way however they way you dealt with your partner saying she didn’t want the relationship anymore and then for you to beg her back, she comes back only for you to say you were joking and don’t want anything to do with her is cruel. Take a moment to imagine the pain you put her through, she may have wanted to really try and resolve things but you played with her emotions and that’s not fair. People can make mistakes and hurt their partner but pretending you feel a certain way for someone to crush them down say it was a joke is not on so please learn from that mistake you made and instead of leading a female on try and make your real feelings and intentions known. I’m saying this to you as someone who’s made mistakes them self, I’m not proud of things I’ve done and the person I’ve been in the past but when we make mistakes it’s important we learn from them and put things right straight away.
My last bit of advice is following on from learning to have self control and that’s managing your feelings because like I said at the beginning I believe you’re a good man despite what you may have done and I believe your actions were based on and controlled by your feelings after your wife to be told you she didn’t want the relationship anymore. It’s easy to allow your emotions and feelings to get the better of you and believe me when I tell you I’ve been the worst for it when it comes to letting my thoughts and feelings take over but being able to not allow your insecurities and other emotions to take over is important. You find if you allow yourself to constantly think about what could be happening and making scenarios in your head you end up believing them, because you’re constantly thinking about it and your brain ends up thinking it’s reality and that’s when you start acting out of character and doing things you wouldn’t normally do for example when you said you were joking and didn’t want your fiancé back. To me that didn’t sound like you and your true character because all you’ve done is declare how much you love this girl and the reason why she didn’t want to carry on with the relationship wasn’t because of you being unloyal or anything like that but because there was certain values and small things you both didn’t agree on but that’s something you should have found out when you first started dating. But managing your emotions would’ve helped the situation because you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.
These are the things I feel are the most important for you to take away whether you apply it with your Mrs if you’re still with her or get back together or a future partner.
As for your question on whether you’ve lost her if I’m going to be honest it could be likely that you have just for the last thing you did but saying that I feel like the both of you were never really meant to be together but that’s my opinion I could be wrong because I’m not a part of the relationship and don’t know all the facts so don’t take my word for it. The only thing you can do is work on yourself and show her that you’ve got your act together and you’re ready to be her life long partner.
Good luck, stay safe and God bless