Thanks for sharing your concerns.
Totally understand what you must be going through, especially after trying so many different ways of finding a life partner. However, it is important to keep your hopes up and not give up. Sometimes, things do not happen at the time and pace we would like it to. Life has its own plans for each and every one of us. When you least expect, things fall in place, then you will see the tide turning in your favor. Even though it may not sound great now, there is a special joy in waiting for the unknown, like an ecstatic child waiting to open his birthday present.
In the mean time do all that you still haven't done, and been wanting to do. When the time is right for you, it will happen. I know, its easier said than done. Waiting is not that much fun. But you have to make the best of what you have right now. Keep up your positive attitude.