Emotional Breakdowns

[avik-dutta-xf2s2]

I have had a girl in my life for a long time when just last year she had broken up with me. I was emotionally devastated and had lost my self-respect in the process to just get her back. You see, I had given my everything, sacrificed a lot and tried to be there for her every time she needed me. I cared for her immensely and have always kept her first beyond everything. During this emotional turmoil, she did not leave my side but was disgusted by my emotions and no control over it. Time went by and we still got along. I was fine for the time being because someway or the other, I knew she still had feelings for me. So, as usual, I would always talk to her, and even if we had our little fights, it would get sorted out. In this way, I lost out to the world because I had her as a priority. Recently, we had an argument and I completely broke down because she wouldn't talk to me. I wrote her long messages because I was emotionally weak and probably apologized a number of times. I did not know what to do and in turn, lost my self-respect again and went on bothering her. I just wish I was emotionally strong. She tells that I go insane when I get so broken down and I should work on it. She says that I am the weakest with no personality and attitude and self-respect and am very dependent and have no control over my emotions. I am completely low right now because for whom, I have given so much, whom I prioritized only have these to say. And she may be right but without her, I am as good as nothing. I have lost that energy that would drive me through the day. I do not know what to do.

[mollymathew]

Hi Avik,
When we are in love, we sometimes do the oddest of things, like stop thinking of ourselves completely and put the other person on a pedestal. Cut of ties with everyone else, as we feel we have found the anchor to our life. This is a beautiful safe feeling, unfortunately only till the bubble bursts.
Even though it may be very painful right now for you, try to look beyond the hurt, the rejection, the bruised ego. This would be a good time to do some introspection, for self realisation, for clarity. Whatever you feel is broken outside, has to be fixed from inside first.
We must accept ourselves as we are. It is only when we love ourselves for all the good, and the not so good qualities that we possess, that we start enjoying our relationship with ourselves first, and then with others. We must first identify, then accept the not so great areas of our life, and find solutions to work on the areas that needs change, to bring about the desired results. And see how life changes for the better when we empower ourselves. We must first of all stop judging ourselves so harshly. When we judge our emotions, it prevents us from understanding them. So when we accept that we do have limitations and are willing to work on it, then we really start loving ourselves, for all that we are. When we start loving ourselves for who we are, then we will automatically attract positive people into our life. When we are not operating from a place of insecurity, we will then attract secure relationships in our life.
Hope things will work out for the best for you.
Take care!